We get letters. Here’s one from last month:
Q: I read your answer to “Snooping Couple Can’t Let Past Go” (7-20-2017). I agree in part, and disagree strongly, in part, with your response. I agree, we all have pasts. I agree it is wrong on several levels to dig for dirt by hacking people’s personal devices. However, I feel it is disrespectful to broadcast one’s past on social media or anywhere else. If the past was so terrific, one should go back to it. Or, one should share those great memories — made with somebody else — with a party that actually cares to hear about them. Better yet, one should keep those great memories to oneself. It’s about consideration and respect, and it is precisely why I have always trashed photos, keepsakes, etc., of relationships immediately after they were “officially” terminated. That way, the next partner feels no sense of disrespect or comparison with previous partners. Telling somebody to get over your past being rubbed in their face is as selfish, ignorant, and insensitive as it gets. Common courtesy. Respect. Consideration for somebody you claim to care about. Nothing more or less. I hope we can agree on that.
It’s nice to pretend that you never had a failed relationship. Or can avoid mentioning it to a new boyfriend. And I do understand that some men want perfect women only. Thus you better never mention this ex-boyfriend. But the best way to go is the full truth, nothing but the truth, so help you God. Pasts tend to sneak around. If this man is truly interested in you, the more detail you unload the more likely you end up in the right direction. He’s either a jerk or he’s a guy who really loves you, regardless of past mistakes.
Mia: Dude, do you go on Facebook much? I suspect not. If you did, you would see that the social media giant is a modern-day version of a photo album. It’s where a lot of us store photos these days. So, if you’re married and have family photos online, you’re supposed to remove them once you start dating someone new? That sounds good in theory but who does that? I stand by my original advice. But thank you for sharing your take.
Q: Is it easy to be friends with an opposite sex if you really aren’t attracted to him, but really do want him to be a friend?
Mia: Nah! I haven’t had a straight male guy friend yet who hasn’t hit on me. It happened just the other day when I was chatting with a friend on Facebook and he took it there. Even one of my gay friends hit on me once when he was going through a dry spell in the dating department. When it comes to friends of the opposite sex, there are definitely limits. You can be friendly only to a point, which is probably why Vice President Pence once famously admitted,”that he never eats alone with a woman other than his wife and that he won’t attend events featuring alcohol without her by his side. Now, there’s a man who knows a thing or two about temptation and about whether people of the opposite sex can really be friends.
Steve: “I seen ya I seen ya I seen ya walkin’ down in Chinatown
I called ya I called ya I called but you did not look around”
More music! Good man-and-woman friends don’t require romance at all. Men who view women in sex terms only have lost a lot of true friends. Some of my best friends (dating back to the 1960s and ’70s) dumped me fast after a couple of dates. But we remained friends and none of us regret it.