If you’re both far too clever for your own good and also a total Philly phanatic, Halloween is the perfect time to prove you’re the smartest brotherly-lover in any room. Sure, you could be one of a dozen scary street clowns or Snapchat filters, but why settle for what everyone else is doing? Show your city pride and your superior creativity with these Philly-centric costumes.
Center Street Parking
One of 2016’s most divisive issues becomes 2016’s hottest costume. For this ensemble, you’ll need a black shirt with two double yellow lines down the middle. Attach toy cars between the yellow lines and you’re almost there. Complete the look with a clear sense of entitlement granted either by being a lifelong South Philly resident or a new homeowner who loves bikes.
The best quick-food restaurant’s best sandwich becomes your best costume option. A beige hat and khakis can serve as the bread (substitute beige leggings for a “Sexy Gobbler” look). Throw on a chunky red necklace for cranberry sauce, wrap some white tulle around your middle for the turkey, and add a brown patterned shirt for your stuffing. This is an abstract Gobbler. This is art. Make sure to tell everyone that.
[Read more: Report: Two more Wawa stores coming to Center City]
Looking for a way to reuse that “Lock Her Up” costume you brought to the Trump rally? Switch out the blonde wig for a brunette one and you've got the disgraced former AG, who was just sentenced to from 10 to 23 months in prison. Bonus costume: If you want to be really tricky, tell everyone you're actually Kane's twin sister and body double. Two costumes; one wig.
Pop-Up Beer Garden
A crafter’s playground! You’ll need to attach fake flowers and beer caps to your shirt for this look. Extra points if you add a little toy truck serving some hot new fusion cuisine. Go the extra mile by painting the latest Mural Arts mural on the back of your shirt to show how plugged in you are to the life of the city.
Carson Wentz Bandwagon
Like any good Philadelphian, you already own a Carson Wentz jersey, right? Grab a red wig, and a wagon - think Radio Flyer - and wheel yourself around chanting E-A-G-L-E-S and talking about how this is our year. Commit any type of error, though, and you'll need to hop off the wagon, rip off the wig, and burn the jersey in effigy.
The Union League Steps
Is this costume too soon? Mix posh, upper-crust attire with crumbling ruins in this timely look (on Monday, a thief stole a brass handrail and toppled the famed stone balustrade). Try evening wear with chunks of broken rocks attached (perhaps as a brooch or boutonniere) for this high-concept, high-society ensemble. But no brass, please.
Bonus! Looking to pay homage to your favorite Philadelphian? Go as one of these Philebrity Halloween mash-ups!
Jim Kenn-dy Corn: Mayor by day, popular but perplexing sweet treat by night.
Mothra Graham Cracker: World’s hairiest drag queen sprouts wings, takes city. Hilarity ensues.
Connor Boo-win: Haunt all your favorite haunts as the beloved SEPTA-riding Eagles player.
Boo E. Dillon: Or capture all of the nightlife (and night afterlife) as Philly’s number-one paparrazo-ltergeist.