This year's Oscar swag bag is ridiculous

LONGTIME READERS of this column know that one of the things that aggravates Tattle the most-far more than readers who write to say we're a "moron" or an "idiot" - are celebrity swag bags.

Celebrities have enough stuff.

Noncelebrities should get swag bags.

This year at the Oscars, the 25 acting and directing nominees (tough break, sound mixers and animated shorts) are going to receive goodie parcels from a company called Distinctive Assets, reports Forbes.com, valued at roughly $230,000.

Among the items are a $55,000, 10-day trip to Israel where you'll be staying at 5-star hotels (and not the Best Western Wall), a $54,000, 15-day walking tour of Japan (so pricey someone may actually walk for you), $45,000 worth of Audi car rentals from Silvercar (that's a year's worth), $31,200 worth of Lizora skin care products (obviously, for that amount you must also get some new skin), 6,300 meal donations for pets from Halo, Purely for Pets (that's 10,000 meals), a $1,900 Vampire breast lift (which uses your own blood), $300 worth of personalized M&Ms, and a $250 Nuelle Fiera Arouser For Her, in case going to the Oscars isn't arousing enough.

So even if the swag sponsors don't reap a bang for their buck, at least the nominees will.

*

Jennifer Garner

is asking Kentucky lawmakers to spend $1 million on an early-childhood education program.

The "Alias" star testified before the House budget committee yesterday on behalf of Save The Children.

Garner said the program works well in Kentucky, offering literacy and other development programs for children.

Lawmakers said they support the program but noted the state does not have much money to spend because of shortfalls in public pension programs.

Garner is also scheduled to meet with recently elected budget-slashing Gov. Matt Bevin.

That should be interesting.

* Variety reports that the stage musical adaptation of "Frozen" is targeting a Broadway opening in spring 2018, so you're going to be able to see the show before the Gallery reopens.

Songwriters Kristen Anderson-Lopez and Robert Lopez ("The Book of Mormon," "Avenue Q") will write additional original songs for the stage version, and screenwriter and co-director Jennifer Lee, will write the musical's book.

A who's who of Broadway talent will be part of the creative team.

With the theatrical version of "The Lion King" having grossed well over $6 billion worldwide, Disney isn't taking any chances re-making its wintry adventure.

* Will Smith's next Oscar-bait movie will be "Collateral Beauty," in which he'll star as a depressed Manhattan advertising executive whose colleagues conspire to improve his mood.

But things don't go as planned.

(That's why it's a movie.)

The Hollywood Reporter says Keira Knightley is being eyed to join a powerhouse cast featuring Helen Mirren, Ed Norton, Michael Pena and Naomie Harris. Knightley would play the character Love. Other actors will play Time and Death, and no, we're not kidding.

The drama is scheduled to be directed by David Frankel ("Marley & Me"), who was attached to the proposed "Busted" TV series based on the book by Philadelphia Daily News reporters Wendy Ruderman and Barbara Laker.

- Daily News

wire services contributed to this report.

Email: gensleh@phillynews.com

Phone: 215-854-5678

On Twitter: @DNTattle