Simon Cowell has opened up for the first time about the details surrounding his affair with Lauren Silverman.
Fans were stunned when Cowell, 54, revealed last year he was expecting his first child with Silverman, who was still in the midst of divorcing his longtime friend, real estate mogul Andrew Silverman.
Cowell and Silverman welcomed their baby, Eric, in February, and Cowell said while he regrets the circumstances of his affair, he’s overjoyed to be a dad and is ready to move on.
“It is not something I am proud of or wanted to happen in terms of hurting anyone,” he told Britain’s The Mirror of the affair. “It just happened…You have to deal with it and man up to it. You have to accept the responsibility and the criticism.
“You look at the baby and you kinda go, ‘This is what happened from it,’” he said.
I never knew how much love and pride I would feel. pic.twitter.com/bjwhJvrFBd
— Simon Cowell (@SimonCowell) February 16, 2014
Cowell also revealed he suffered from depression and loneliness before he was a dad.
“Did a doctor say I was depressed? Yeah. I mean I knew it myself,” he said. “You are always looking for the next high from the show and then actually if you haven’t got anyone to share it with per se, or if you haven’t got a family around you, you can go a bit nuts.”
“You can start to live a slightly abnormal life and there is no question of doubt I was heading down that path,” he added. “Too many late-night phone calls.”
When the scandal broke surrounding his affair with Silverman, Cowell said that in “a weird way,” he “probably needed” that wake-up call.
These days, Cowell, Silverman, and Eric live together in London, and Cowell told The Mirror his daily life feels much more fulfilling.
“Now the house is full of people, it has become a home rather than a house,” he said.
In an interview last fall with Parade.com, Cowell revealed what he’s most looking forward to doing with his son as he grows up.
“I’m not brilliant with babies. I never know what to do,” he admitted. “But [once he’s older] I think I’ll be a good dad in terms of advice. And then I’ll get to do all the things I want to do, like go to Disneyland or Universal Studios, teach him how to drive—I love all that.”
As for the music he’ll play for his son?
“He’ll listen to whatever I listen to and make his own choices,” he told Parade.com. “It’s funny—my mom played Frank Sinatra when I was a kid, and because he was her choice, I used to hate it; but I love Sinatra now. He always looked like he was having fun and he didn’t conform. That’s probably why I’ve got pictures of him all over my house!”