Sideshow: Robert Pattinson moves out, with the dogs

It's a weird celeb world. Film stars now routinely draw out breakups (see Justin Bieber/Selena Gomez, below) forever for the PR of it. Some (we won't say who) (you know) may even get married or pregnant for PR. Breakup case in point: Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson. The much-lusted-after stars of the Twilight film franchise have yo-yo'd us all since 2008: Were they together? Apart? Was it all a dream? Then, last summer, K-Stew got naughty with director Rupert Sanders, R-Patt got hurt, and they split. Then didn't. Then did. Last week, they seemed to say they were done. Unless, of course, they aren't. Ah, but the Red Pickup Truck of Finality, driven by him, pulled up to her L.A. door on May 19, according to Sources, and he took his stuff. Why should we think this is permanent? He took the dogs, yo.

A hip-hop DJ was congratulating hip-god Jay-Z on his widely assumed second bairn-in-process within wife Beyoncé - but Jay-Z e-mailed that "the pregnancy rumor is false." Well, we advise you to make it true as soon as possible!!

For some folks (us), life is one long lunch period in the high school cafeteria. Take the Billboard Music Awards of Sunday night. Many were the ugh-worthy moments. Nicki Minaj gave Lil' Wayne an unsimulated lap dance, with self-fondling porn moves, on world TV. Kid Rock dissed artists who lip-sync (about half the performers Sunday).

Meantime, Miguel is a meme. While singing his hit "Adorn," he tried a leap from the main stage, across a brief chasm, to a walkway. But he neglected to compute the drag/thrust ratio as per the lift coefficient or whatever, and he missed, sitting down hard on his seat and some fans. Didn't miss a beat, kept singing, got up, put ice on it later. But it's all over the InterWebs, so now he'll have to do it every concert.

In another meme, Justin Bieber osculates former(?)/ current(?) gf Selena Gomez on the cheek, while a bypassing Taylor Swift, a bff of Selena's, sticks out her tongue. Is Tay-Tay commenting lingually on J-Bieb's peck? Or does it just look like that?

Poor Biebs. The media are torching his goat. Abandons his monkey in Germany (missing a deadline to ransom his confiscated capuchin, Mally), so everyone hates him. Then he gets booed at the Billboards for winning the Milestone award, beating out Tay-Tay (who won best female artist and seven other awards) and Bruno Mars. Note to Biebs: Never, ever tell the world, during an acceptance speech, that you should be "taken seriously."

Biebs' defenders to his rescue! The hashtag #BeliebersAreHereForJustin was No. 2 in worldwide trending topics on Twitter by midafternoon Monday.

Mel Brooks, 86, is everywhere, hittin' all the talk shows and arts sections, and he's got a career-retrospective boxed CD set titled, modestly, The Incredible Mel Brooks: An Irresistible Collection of Unhinged Comedy. Now comes word that at the American Film Institute awards bash in NYC June 6, Martin Scorsese will present him a lifetime achievement award. The gala is on TNT June 15, and also on TCM June 24, as part of an all-night Mel tribute.

 Mary J. Blige is happy recipient of an IRS notice that she owes $3.4 million on back taxes for 2009-11. That's on top of $900K green she owes the Garden State of New Jersey. She's also being sued for allegedly defaulting on a $2.3 million bank loan, and, and, and, . . . oy. . . .   

Deborah Turness is new president of NBC News. She replaces Steve Capus, who stepped down in March. It's a curveball, since she's not in-house, and not a U.S. newsie, but rather the former head editor of ITV News in the United Kingdom. She'll be helming all the news stuff, like NBC Nightly News With Brian Williams, Today, Meet the Press, and Dateline, plus all foreign news bureaus.

 Johnny Depp gets everything!!! Yes, Neil Young got a spider named after him (Myrmekiaphila neilyoungi), and Roy Orbison's name is on a beetle (Orectochilus orbisonorum), but . . . this is cooler. Some Depp devoté scientist has named a 505 million-year-old fossil - an ancestor of the lobster and scorpion - Kootenichela deppi, because its claws reminded the guy of Edward Scissorhands (chela is Latin for claw or clipper).