Tattle: Quake victims have pal in Lady Gaga

LADY GAGA is selling a Japan earthquake-relief wristband for a suggested donation of $5 on her website, ladygaga.com. The white, Livestrongesque bracelet says "We pray for Japan" in both English and Japanese. While at the site, don't forget to pick up other Gaga merchandise, such as a tee emblazoned with the words "I'm a free bitch."

At least Gaga's using her immense power for good, rather than evil. Other celebrities decided to use the Japanese earthquake to prove how horrible they actually are.

* 50 Cent offended followers

(and human decency) by tweeting (typos all his), "Its all good Till b*tches see there christian louboutins floating down da street s-t gone get crazy," and "Wave will hit 8am them crazy white boys gonna try to go surfing." He then made everything worse, writing, "Look this is very serious people I had to evacuate all my hoess from LA, Hawaii and Japan. I had to do it. Lol."

To make amends, Fiddy wrote: "Nah this is nuts but what can anyone do about it. Let's pray for anyone who has lost someone." To dispel any good will, he later wrote, "Some of my tweets are ignorant I do it for shock value. Hate it or love it. I'm cool either way 50cent." So, in essence, 50 could have just tweeted "I'm a douche" eight times.

* Gilbert Gottfried, who notoriously bombed at the Comedy Central roast of Hugh Hefner by telling a 9/11 joke shortly after the national tragedy, also felt the need to demonstrate how much of a squinty-eyed little creep he actually is by tweeting things like, "I just split up with my girlfriend, but like the Japanese say, 'They'll be another one floating by any minute now.' "

Those comments got Gottfried (who was at Philly's Helium Comedy club all weekend) the heave-ho as the voice of the Aflac Duck. "Gilbert's recent comments about the crisis in Japan were lacking in humor and certainly do not represent the thoughts and feelings of anyone at Aflac," the insurance company's chief marketing officer, Michael Zuna, said in a statement. "Aflac Japan - and, by extension, Japan itself - is part of the Aflac family, and there is no place for anything but compassion and concern during these difficult times."

To counteract this bad karma, Lady Tattle suggests the rest of us donate to the Red Cross' relief

efforts at redcross.org or text REDCROSS to 90999 to make a quick $10 donation.

London Calling * British police,

so adorably nicknamed bobbies, arrested Grzegorz Matlok on Saturday for breaking into Madonna's 10-bedroom Marylebone mansion. Police wondered if the Polish man was one of Madonna's new flames but dismissed the possibility after learning that Matlok is 29, far too old for Madge.

It wasn't a good weekend for the Queen of Pop. She wasn't at home to greet Matlok because she was back in the States for her 99-year-old grandma's funeral. With those good genes, we figure Madonna will have to reach her centenary before she's ready to date someone who is almost 30.

* Gay men and dotty cat ladies,

get out those wallets. The Exton-based Franklin Mint is taking preorders on soon-to-be monarch Kate Middleton dolls. The first to be unveiled is the Royal Engagement 16-inch vinyl cloaked in the blue Issa wrap dress she wore to announce her nuptials. The wedding dress hasn't been unveiled yet, but there will be a replica version of that sold. The engagement doll will be sold for $195 and the wedding version will cost you $295. If you don't feel the need to eat or pay the electric bill for the next couple of months, you can get both for $490.

But what about a Prince William doll? We want him only if he comes complete with family jewels.

* In other royal news, the Hyde

Park Corner subway - or tube, how quaint! - station will be cleaned by convicts with minor offenses to prepare for the royal nuptials. Warden Rav Kumar said: "The tunnels do get cleaned every night but they were in need of some real elbow grease. I went down myself with a bit of wire sponge and had a scrub, and it really made a difference so I thought doing it manually would be our best option."

We figure that the station will be used only by commoners (could you see the Queen Mother rolling up via public transportation?), but it's still meant to make the rich and useless look good. Cons cleaning for the benefit of the aristocracy? Man, that's some feudal business. Never change, England, never change.

Daily News wire services contributed to this report.