An international affair, the fourth season of Jersey Shore boiled down to an interesting case study of the Situation (Mike Sorrentino). It’s just not clear if that research would be psychological or zoological.
Let’s face it: the guy seriously unravelled during his time in Florence, both physically and emotionally.
By last night’s finale, he was moping around like a pouty five-year-old. Did you see him during the gang’s grand tour of the city? (Better last minute than never.)
He kept walking away from the group, sitting on steps or on the ground and making those little puppy dog eyes. Except no one was buying it.
His trump card: threatening not to return to the beach house when the rest of the crew flew out to make season five (scheduled to air this winter)? No reaction. I think he was expecting copious tears and passionate pleading.
Ronnie warned him: if you can’t fix the bridges you've burned, “you gotta go. Man up, dog.” Is that last part even possible?
At the end, the Situation switched strategies, going all penitent. As the gang sat in a hillside tavern with a stunning view of Florence, eating gelato, followed of course by cocktails, Mike said with a big crocodile grin on his face, “I’m sorry for anything I’ve ever done. If I’ve caused any drama the last couple of weeks.”
That tact didn't work either. Stony faces all around the table. As JWoww later said, “Mike’s apologies are always [horse manure].” Ronni “Sweetheart” vowed repeatedly and in the strongest terms to snuff Mike if he continues to act up when they get back to Jersey.
So excuse the Situation if he was a little testy during the last night out clubbing. An Italian kid who looked to be about 15 and would have considerable trouble getting into a bar here, offered to buy him a shot. Seemed like a sweet gesture.
Mike whirled on the kid and started hurling angry obscenities. I guess Mike meant to be aggressive but it sounded like he was threatening the boy with a variety of prison rapes.
Come home, Mike. All may not be forgiven, but at least in this country, we appreciate the splendor of washboard abs.