Ask Amy: Husband says the spark is gone
Six months ago my husband announced that while he loves me he isn't "in love" with me anymore. He says there is no "spark" and he isn't sure he wants to be married.
This news was devastating.
I love my husband and love our life with our three kids.
We went to marriage counseling a couple of times, but my husband did not want to keep going because he didn't want me to have "false hope" and he couldn't commit to working to save the marriage when he wasn't sure he wanted to be in it.
I went by myself to our counselor, who advised me to be patient and to wait until my husband could commit to our relationship. She said I should assure him that I would be there for him no matter how long he needed.
The stress and constant uncertainty about our future are taking a huge toll, both physically and emotionally.
I am starting to crack around the edges. Keeping the facade of a happy home life with our children, family, and friends is exhausting.
I worry that if I push my husband or try too hard, he will leave. I worry that if I don't keep trying so hard, he will leave.
What should I do?
If you manage to keep your husband in your home at this superficial level but crack under the pressure, your children will be denied an emotionally healthy mother.
Your goal should be to live an authentic and balanced life while not being the embarrassing object of your husband's indecision.
You might have to do the most difficult thing here and tell your husband that if he has no commitment to be in the marriage, then it's time to try a separation.
Your family's geometry may change, but your children can do well if you are calm, constant, and consistently there for them.
Send questions via e-mail to askamy@tribune.com or by mail to "Ask Amy," Chicago Tribune, TT500, 435 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, Ill. 60611.









