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Dear Abby: Woman objects to giving cell phone number to her boss

By Dear Abby

DEAR ABBY: My boss wants my cellphone number for "work purposes." He has trouble with limits, and I am reluctant to give it to him. I don't want to receive text messages, unsolicited calls or contact outside of work.

My private life is just that - private. I have kept an unlisted cell number for many years for good reason. I have a home phone and will answer it when the boss calls. I arrive promptly at work, but leave the job there.

My privacy is important. I had a bad marriage, and there was stalking and invasion by my ex-husband. Those individuals who need my cell number have access to it. Am I out of line?

I realize that many people use their cell phones as their only phones and others don't mind receiving calls, but am I required to do so? I think this has upset my boss even though I have explained my reason.

I don't use my cell phone on the job; it's in my purse except during personal time (lunch, etc.). Must I give up my privacy to keep my job?

- Wants Privacy

DEAR WANTS PRIVACY: As long as your boss has your home phone and can reach you in case of some emergency, I see no reason why he should be pressuring you for your cell phone number. Stick to your guns and don't apologize for it.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 16-year-old girl whose parents have been married for almost 19 years. Mom started school two years ago to become a nurse.

She has always been an independent woman, but since she went back to school and is making her own money, she feels the need to be more free.

Mom works eight to 12 hours a day. She leaves early and comes home late. She never stays for dinner when she's home, nor does she do anything with us as a family anymore. She used to work in the same study as my dad, but she moved upstairs. She also won't sleep in the same bed as Dad.

Mom is seeing a marriage counselor, and she wants a divorce and to move away. She says nothing is broken in the marriage and there's nothing to fix - but why does she want to leave?

She promises she won't see less of us, but she will be more than a half-hour away. She works nonstop and is constantly going out with her friends. I miss her, and I want my old Mom back! Is there any way I can stop her from going?

Am I selfish for wanting her to stay?

- Shaken in Virginia

DEAR SHAKEN: You are going through a rough period, and you have my sympathy. Your mother appears to be so preoccupied with herself that she has forgotten she's a mother. Under the circumstances, all of your feelings are normal. Of course you want your mother and your old life back, and those feelings aren't "selfish."

While you can't stop your mother from leaving, you can ask her if you can join her during a couple of her therapy sessions so you can air your feelings in a safe environment and get some of the answers you're looking for.

There are very real changes going on in your life and your parents'.

You deserve some answers, and you are old enough to hear them.

Good advice for everyone - teens to seniors - is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby - Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

Comments

Posted 09:34 AM, 11/06/2009

phillygoat

LW#1: tell the boss that if it's really important, the company can pay for a company phone. Insist on an iphone or palm pilot.

Posted 10:26 AM, 11/06/2009

Bender

mom is having an affair...

Posted 10:28 AM, 11/06/2009

CCC

Agree with phillygoat. If being accessible by cell phone is a requirement of the job, or the boss, it's the company's responsibility to provide a company phone and pay for it.

Posted 10:30 AM, 11/06/2009

phillyguy36

LW#1: You don't say what your job responsibilities are. More importantly, has your boss tried to reach you in a business emergency and not been able to contact you? If so, you should be more cooperative. There could be legitimate business reasons to contact you outside of work, and it could be an emergency. Presumably, you can decide whether to answer or let it go to voice mail. And it would provide an argument for a business phone or paying for a portion of your phone bill. LW2: Obviously, the mother is having an affair.

Posted 10:32 AM, 11/06/2009

Ben Dover

tell your boss that its not your phone, you only borrow it so whats the sence of having the number.

Posted 12:00 PM, 11/06/2009

MrsDamian

How do you all know that the father hadn't been cheating all along? Very sexist. Maybe the mother is finally getting out of a bad relationship (as in...stuck around for the kids' sake) and getting her own life.

Comment removed.

Posted 12:06 PM, 11/06/2009

jcpaul

Mom's gettin a lil' on the side!

Posted 02:09 PM, 11/06/2009

skoot1200

same old story, mom gets a little financial independence and decides she doesn't need anybody, including her family. kid, she's sleeping around on your dad and has put you in the back of her priorities. dump her before she can dump you.

Posted 02:28 PM, 11/06/2009

Niko

Damian- regardless if father was having an affair or was a crappy husband, she is still a mother to this poor girl who felt the need to write. She has forgotten that.

Posted 02:45 PM, 11/06/2009

PhillyKen

"Business Emergencies"... bad excuse. Next come "Business Urgencies", then "general Business Questions", then "Business Favors", then "I forgot to give you this Business Assignment before you left at 5pm". As a staff manager, I completely understand the woman's reticence. My staff has business phones, and if they get a call on it at 7AM they know who's calling - that's fair.

Posted 04:34 PM, 11/06/2009

JimmyCaan

Just make up any old phone number and give it to your boss. That's what I did. It works great I never get any calls from work.

Posted 08:01 AM, 11/07/2009

tjinphilly

As a Director level position, I am required to have a cell phone, BUT, I don't ever give out the actual phone number. I have a feature on my home service that rings my home and cell phone at the same time. If I am involved in something that I don't want it on, I turn the feature off. Now my calls only go to my home phone and not my cell. It is very convenient AND only one phone number to ever give out. Otherwise, the company needs to give you a company cell phone or offer to pay your bill.

Posted 05:22 PM, 11/07/2009

bling

If you don't want to give your boss your cell number tell him to get you a pager that way you can keep your privacy and he can contact you when needed.

Posted 07:54 PM, 11/09/2009

Osler

Unfortunately, if you don't give your number to the boss, you may get fired. The boss won't own up to that as a reason, but it will probably happen since you aren't a team player. Lets face it, except for some rudimentary legal protection, if you are an at will employee, and don't have a union, you can get fired for not giving your boss the number.