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Posted on Fri, Nov. 6, 2009


Ask Amy: Fiance's old friend wants to lunch

By Amy Dickinson

Dear Amy: I have been dating my fiance for more than three years.

He has a longtime female friend who lives in town, whom I have never met. Many years ago, on a couple of occasions they were sexually intimate.

She calls and e-mails him to stay in touch.

She has invited him to meet her for lunch. The invitation is for them to have a get-together exclusive of her husband and myself.

I find it disconcerting and rude that a so-called old friend would show no interest in meeting me or extending a more normal invite perhaps to the two of us to do something with her and her husband.

I have suggested that my fiance and I invite them to our house for dinner, but he tells me she declines these offers.

I trust my guy implicitly, but am very uncomfortable with this relationship and having it continue as a "private" relationship. What is your take?

- Friendly Fiancee

Dear Friendly: If you and your guy are going to get married and be in a family together, then you should also share your friendships with each other, no matter what gender the friend is or the history of the relationship.

Partners get to have personal friendships, but they shouldn't be completely exclusive.

Your guy should be insulted by his friend's refusal to even meet you. If your fiance wants to maintain this friendship, then the next time his friend invites him to lunch, he should say, "I have another idea. Why don't you and your husband join us for dinner?"

If she declines, he should take it as a sign that she's not all that interested in his life.

Send questions via e-mail to askamy@tribune.com or by mail to Ask Amy, Chicago Tribune, TT500, 435 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, Ill. 60611.
Comments   
Posted 10:01 AM, 11/06/2009
longshanks
Do I smell a foursome?
Posted 11:01 AM, 11/06/2009
khase
She should be taking this issue up with her fiance, not the "friend." It is, after all, his choice of whether or not to go out with the woman and exclude his wife. It seems to me that he wants to "get that old thing back" one more time.
Posted 01:03 PM, 11/06/2009
majorgas
longshanks = negative IQ
Posted 02:24 PM, 11/06/2009
Niko
Good response Amy...
Posted 04:44 PM, 11/07/2009
kdaly19
Seriously, of course he declines, you cant have your side piece and your fiancee meet.
Posted 01:44 PM, 11/09/2009
EagleRob
Tell your fiance he should understand the definition of the word ... boundaries.
Posted 03:51 PM, 11/09/2009
ilovesalad
He's cheating dummy. Or wanting to.
Posted 07:33 PM, 11/09/2009
steven191
Sounds very familiar. I had a GF who had a "friend" that she wanted me to meet when he came to town. The day came and she fought tooth and nail to go out with him alone. Needless to say at 4am when I went by her house (detour for work) she was not home. She said she got home around 11pm. I dumped her the next day.
Posted 10:19 PM, 11/09/2009
Wolflh
This guy is obviously hoping for another fling with this friend of his. Dump him immediately.
Posted 07:43 PM, 11/11/2009
CountryRose
Yeah, no way does she want to meet you. She doesn't want you; she wants your man. Well, for an hour at "lunch" at least. Block her phone number. Tell your "fiance" that his relationship with the old flame is unacceptable to you. If he balks, prepare to walk.
10 comments
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