Jenice Armstrong: Women talk about sex
IT WAS KIND of like being at a Tupperware party but instead of the focus being on plastic containers, the conversation centered on sex.
The women-only gathering took place in a Center City loft apartment Friday evening. In our group, there was a pregnant teacher juggling the demands of raising a toddler with her career, a sleep-deprived woman who is a mother of an infant and is employed with a major financial-services firm, an orgasm-challenged artist, a glowing newlywed and various other women who bonded over calamari and risotto.
At first, the evening unfolded as things can when you gather interesting people together and put them in a cozy setting. If the vibe's right, perfect strangers open up to each other, confiding their innermost secrets. And while you might talk about sex, it's unlikely that it will be about sexual-health issues or a problem you might be experiencing sexually.
That's why the Beyond the Bedroom series was created. It's part of a new campaign called Sex and a Healthier You (sexandahealthieryou.org) that wants to get women to talk openly about typically taboo topics such as loss of libido, orgasmic disorders and sexual dysfunction caused by antidepressant use.
We have been bombarded with annoyingly intrusive ads for erectile dysfunction. Consumers may not be able to name three drugs to treat high blood pressure but we know all about Viagra, Cialis and Levitra. How many times have we heard the line, "seek immediate medical help if you experience an erection lasting longer than four hours"? And that puzzling image of "his" and "hers" bathtubs has been seared into our collective consciousness.
But rarely do we hear about drugs or products to help women with their own arousal issues.
The National Women's Health Resource Center and the Association of Reproductive Health Professionals cite a recent study that revealed that 70 percent of women have experienced a sexual-health issue, usually lack of desire.
But the vast majority of those surveyed have never discussed their situation with a doctor. So, organizers from the two groups have quietly been sending nurse practitioners to living rooms and other gathering spots around Philly and other big cities to gently encourage women to talk about sexual issues. The informal events usually start with a little polite mingling and then the R-rated subject of the night begins. In the past month, about 15 such gatherings took place in our area.
They all start the same way. A fun icebreaker. At ours, after everyone introduced herself, women were asked to announce a word that described them sexually. Then, a nurse practitioner guided a discussion that dealt with everything from the elusive G-spot to complaints (with some jokes) about a partner's inability to understand female anatomy.
Afterward, a friend commented that she appreciated all the frank talk about sexuality because usually when women gather the discussion is more relationship-based as in "I met this guy and he . . . " or "We had a great time and I haven't heard from him."
Joni Bishop, a freelance fundraiser and special-events planner who hosted the gathering, said, "I realized we are learning from each other . . . and that when we are all together, we are more open and speak up rather than in one-on-one conversations . . . there is something about girlfriends together that gets a conversation going."
She's planning to host another women-only gathering early next year.
The next Beyond the Bedroom event is set for 6:30 p.m. Nov. 13 at Drexel University College of Medicine's auditorium B, 2900 Queen Lane. Susan Kellogg-Spadt, a professor of obstetrics and gynecology at Drexel and co-founder of the Pelvic and Sexual Health Institute of Philadelphia; Pepper Schwartz, a nationally recognized relationship expert, and Kristene Whitmore, a urologist, will be the speakers. The event is free and open to the public. For more information log onto sexandahealthieryou.org.
Send e-mail to heyjen@phillynews.com. My blog: http://go.philly.com/heyjen.
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