His attitude toward health is a little sick

DEAR ABBY: When my husband needs surgery, he won't tell his family and doesn't want me to. This puts me in an awkward position. I'm damned if I do tell them because he will be upset and damned if I don't because his family won't trust me.

Invariably, when he gets home, he tells them all about his surgery, and I'm left looking like I withheld the information when it's not me at all. I have asked him what if he dies? His family will be upset not only by the tragedy, but also at me for having kept them in the dark.

I'm considering leaving him over this.

- In a Difficult Position  

DEAR IN A DIFFICULT POSITION: It would be nice if he understood that when he is sick enough to be hospitalized you might need the emotional support his family could offer. But since it's not going to happen, he should make plain to his family that he prefers to be the bearer of this kind of news, and the reason they aren't hearing it from you is because he wants it that way.

DEAR ABBY: I love my sister and chatting with her, but schedules make it difficult to connect. When we do speak, her husband often interjects or starts another conversation with her, as if she isn't on the phone. She also settles spats between her toddlers and other things her husband could manage while we talk.

As it stands, we speak only a few times a year, and I'd like her undivided attention. Is it too much to ask for 30 minutes, three times a year? We live several states apart, so having a face-to-face isn't an option.

- Missing My Sister in Georgia DEAR MISSING YOUR SISTER: I don't blame you for feeling hurt, because apparently your sister isn't interested in having the kind of contact you would like. It may be that her husband is ultra-controlling or that her household is so disorganized she's in the middle of a whirlwind.

If you haven't already, write her a letter and express your feelings. It's one way of getting your thoughts across without being interrupted.