Tell Me About It: Parents against their love

Question: My boyfriend's parents are against our relationship. My boyfriend (31) and I (26) have been on-and-off for three years, but have remained best friends. He is from England, and they have a problem with him settling in the Midwest. They also say he "needs to travel more," "your 30s are the new 20s," stuff like that.

Also, he hasn't had the best history with women; they usually walk all over him. I don't think they will ever be OK with any woman he chooses.

A while back, I wrote a letter to his mother, mostly to break the ice, but she didn't even respond.

We are moving in together in a couple of weeks and plan to marry sometime soon after. I want to start a family with this man. We are head-over-heels in love and have been fighting it for some time now because of them.

Seriously, this is the kind of love Disney makes a movie about. I can't walk away (we've tried), but it's very difficult for me to imagine my children's grandparents hating me. What do we do?

Answer: First on your to-do list: Understand. Appreciate their position. Disney's rough on mothers.

Imagine your someday child, imagine spending 31 years with pleasant hopes of a close relationship with that child and his family as an adult, imagine imagining what it will be like to hold your grandchild and watch him or her grow up.

Now imagine putting all of that an eight-plus-hour, $1,000-plus flight away.

Not everyone travels well or can afford it; those ranks thin further as people age.

To-do list Item 2: Be patient. You may have been in this relationship for years, but its off-and-on nature allowed his parents to tell themselves it might not last - thus allowing them to postpone facing the reality of you. Give them a chance.

Item 3: Get out of the hyperbole business. I don't see how we got from "30 is the new 20" to their "hating" you. Adopt the mantra "They don't hate me, they hate the distance" - and dedicate yourself to not being the wedge between them.