After 8 months, he still won't have sex
DEAR ABBY: I have been seeing a guy, "Karl," for eight months now, and we have never had sex. After two or three months, I brought up the subject. He said he was stressed because he had just lost his job. He also said there is never any privacy at his place because he has roommates/tenants. I offered to go to my place, but he said that with my son there, it's the same issue.
Karl says he's very attracted to me, but doesn't want our "time" together to be ruined by his money problems. I explained that it makes me feel insecure and unwanted.
He now has a job, but we still haven't had sex. He has, in the interim, told me he loves me and wants to marry me. I constantly worry that there's someone else and wonder what's wrong with me. Please help.
- Love, But No Sex in New Jersey
DEAR LOVE, BUT: Is there any intimacy at all in your relationship with Karl? Is he affectionate? Is there any physical response when he holds and kisses you? If the answer is no, your boyfriend may have a physical or emotional problem, be asexual or gay.
Before agreeing to marry him, I recommend you schedule some time alone together by spending a few romantic weekends at a hotel or motel. It may give you a better idea of what your future would be like if you two decide the tie the knot.
DEAR ABBY: I am turning 60 and naturally looking a little "worn." My man friend keeps telling me I need a face-lift and to lose 10 pounds. Something tells me he wants a "hot chick" and thinks he'll have one once I get these procedures done. What do you think?
- Loose-Faced Louisianan
DEAR LOUISIANAN: It's not only expensive; as with any other major surgery, there is some risk involved. If you had said you wanted cosmetic surgery because you thought you needed it, I would say to go ahead. However, if it's only because your man friend is pushing you, then he should offer to foot the bill.
P.S. There is no guarantee that with 10 pounds off and a new face you wouldn't start looking for a younger man. Some women do.