Sideshow: Oscar host! What the deuce . . .

And now for something completely unexpected! ABC has announced that Seth MacFarlane will host the 85th annual Academy Awards telecast on Feb. 24. Sure: Put the famously crude animator and funnyman in charge of a three-hour-plus live show, in a room full of the celebs he's known for skewering. What could possibly go wrong? Says Seth, "My thoughts upon hearing the news were, one, I will do my utmost to live up to the high standards set forth by my predecessors; and two, I hope they don't find out I hosted the Charlie Sheen roast." What does the creator of (and primary voice talent behind) Family Guy have to do with Hollywood? Don't forget Ted, his comedy that teamed Mark Wahlberg with a horny talking teddy bear. So his qualifications are practically equivalent to those of serial Oscars host David Niven. This should be . . . um, interesting?

- David Hiltbrand

What, is Adele trying to be the next Shirley Bassey? The Great Shirl sang three James Bond movie themes ("Goldfinger," "Diamonds Are Forever," and "Moonraker"), and now  Adele is singing the theme song for the new Bond flick Skyfall!!! (Like Thunderball and Moonraker, we continue a tradition of Bond titles of no known meaning.) The tune debuts Friday on Adele's website, www.Adele.tv, at 7:07 p.m. EST. GET IT? 7:07? DO YA? HUH? That day'll be Global James Bond Day, marking 50 years since the release of the very first JB film, Dr. No.

Last year, when news struck of Arnold Schwarzenegger's fruitful affair with housekeeper Mildred Baena, trashing his marriage to Maria Shriver, in comes Brigitte Nielsen, icy-blond 6-foot Danish monster hottie. In a book, she claimed to have flung a fling with A-Schwarz while filming Red Sonya in 1985. That would have been, gasp!, while he was already living with Maria. Some dismissed Brigitte at the time, since everyone but Honey Boo Boo was claiming illicit nga-nga with Arn. Now, in his tell-all memoir Total Recall, he totally fesses up. Brigitte went on to marry Arnold pal Sylvester "Sly" Stallone, lasting 19 whole months! (Quintuply married, Brigitte's been somehow with everyone from Mark Gastineau to Flavor Flav.) All rather incestuous and icky. Gallant, gentlemanly Arnold was on Sunday's 60 Minutes, claiming Maria knew all about his dilly-shallying. Informed Sources say both yes and no on that.

As if the recent hotel misfortunes of Lindsay Lohan didn't confuse the world enough, enter Paris Hilton. Sez here that early-early Monday morning, Paris, 31, was kissing on a female woman at a Las Vegas dive, and before you know it, her current bf, River Viiperi, 21, was arrested for battery. (Would that be AAA? AA? C? D?) The kissee's boyfriend filed the report: He complained about Paris' tribadic attentions toward his gf, and, he claimed, River knocked the krunk out of him.

At a Foo Fighters show Saturday in NYC's Central Park, Foo Führer Dave Grohl said the band had no more gigs planned; he seemed to imply this might be ¡adios! The Foos were part of a big antipoverty benefit that included Neil Young, John Legend, and the Black Keys. We hope the Foos aren't finished - they're a traveling band's traveling band that play their hearts out every time.

Pittsburgh kid and rapper Wiz Khalifa allegedly smacked not one but two cars in a hit-and-run last Wednesday. His classic 1969 Chevy Chevelle got pretty dinged up, too, but the LAPD, tracking Wiz down for questioning, doesn't seem too concerned with that.

- Layla A. Jones
 

In an interview with Glamour mag, Wyomissing's own Taylor Swift didn't want to hear what John Mayer thought about her song "Dear John" ... about him. (He told Rolling Stone he was "humiliated.") They dated, they broke up, she wrote a song. We all know that if a guy so much as looks at Tay Tay wrong, his next stop is every major pop radio station in America. Now we also know she cares a lot less about her exes' feelings than she assumes we all care about hers.

- Layla A. Jones

SideShow favorite Stanley Tucci and briding blush Felicity Blunt got married a second time over the weekend at the Middle Temple Hall (quite a place!) in London. (They had a first, quiet, private service during the summer.) Sister Emily Blunt was bridesmaid, while Steve Buscemi was best bloke and Oliver Platt a groomsman. Others in evidence were John Krasinski, Meryl Streep, Patricia Clarkson, Julianne Moore, Colin Firth, and Kenneth Cole. Yay for both! Stanley's wife Kate stepped across in 2009 after a battle with cancer. . . . Sometimes, the MacArthur grants are just way cool. Some great people get recognized. Three on Tuesday morning's list we just had to shout out: Chris Thile, astonishing alt-acid-bluegrass mandolinist, first of Nickel Creek, then of the Punch Brothers and lots of other good bands; fabulous writer Junot Díaz (This Is How You Lose Her); marine ecologist Nancy Rabalais. . . . Must we? We must. Justin Bieber threw up in mid-show in Glendale, Ariz., on Saturday. Mid-tune, actually, while singing "Out of Town Girl." Surely he doesn't hate the tune that much. . . . Life&Style beat the world to the news Drew Barrymore and hubster Will Kopelman have brought into the light a brand-new daughter baby, Olive. (A name we like a lot.) This happened Sept. 26. Welcome, sweet Olive! . . . CEO of Yahoo Marissa Mayer - famous for being a genius pregnant lady CEO in a world that doesn't let ladies run stuff - gave birth to a son. Her husband, investor Zachary Bogue, tweeted the news Sunday night, referring to "baby boy Bogue." Wait. Not a first name, not Bogue Bogue, please, no. (Actually, they haven't named him yet.) Marissa will roar back into the office within weeks, a spokespiece says. . . . Big red-carpet premiere Tuesday night at the Prince Music Theater! The movie is Here Comes the Boom, starring writer/producer Kevin James, plus Henry Winkler and Salma Hayek. James will be at the premiere, along with SideShow favorite Sharon Pinkenson of the Greater Philadelphia Film Office and other luminaries. Open to you and me! Folks start showing up around 5:15 p.m., and the intro to the film (general release Oct. 12) is at 6. . . . We liked Anne Hathaway's gown at her wedding to lucky Adam Shulman Saturday in Big Sur. . . .