Tell Me About It: Exposing grandkids' 'gross' posts
Question: Several months ago, I found disturbing information on Facebook pages from two grandchildren (both adults). Other family members could view them, too, except their parents, who don't access a computer. We discussed how to tell their father, who w
Question:
Several months ago, I found disturbing information on Facebook pages from two grandchildren (both adults). Other family members could view them, too, except their parents, who don't access a computer. We discussed how to tell their father, who was totally oblivious. For example, he told me "Zack" had not had a drink in over two years, while Zack was thanking his friends for the wonderful hangover for his birthday. The daughter has hundreds of pictures on her page - some really gross. I printed some of the pictures and messages, and we sent them to our son because he was in such denial.
He has not called us for months now. Were we so wrong to make them aware of what these "kids" were putting out there for everyone to see?
Answer: Yes, you were so wrong. Not in the beginning, when you told your son that Zack has indeed had drinks because he broadcast it online; that was appropriate to pass along and you delivered it in an appropriate way.
It gets murkier with your granddaughter, because "really gross" lacks a consensus definition.
Their adult misbehavior is your business only if you see imminent danger - and the first person you talk to is the adult in question.
In the event of both imminent danger and a dismissive response by your grandchild, a more urgent conversation with your son would have been warranted.
And when your grandkids chose to do and your son chose to ignore, that was your cue to recognize the limits of your ability to change them. As in, not a cue to mail a father "gross" views of his child. And to apologize now, for doing so.