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Sideshow: Will, Jada not kaput? Well, here, try this

In Touch gets points for persistence. As all the world knows, that mag was the source - the only source - of the Jada Pinkett Smith/Will Smith breakup thing. The Smiths denied it. So did a tweet supposedly by their son Trey. Pish-tosh, objurgates the maga

In Touch gets points for persistence. As all the world knows, that mag was the source - the only source - of the

Jada Pinkett Smith

/

Will Smith

breakup thing. The Smiths denied it. So did a tweet supposedly by their son

Trey

. Pish-tosh, objurgates the magazine! Maybe, um, uh, maybe it wasn't Trey, but an

Imposter Tweeter

!!! Will and Jada have to be breaking up! They just do!!!! In Touch quotes an

Anonymous Friend

who, friendly-like, says the couple's recent public shopping jaunt in Malibu was "all for show"! In Touch stands by its Smith-ereening story. It front-pages a tale of Jada, wild as a human

Hurricane Irene

, stealing

Marc Anthony

from

Jennifer Lopez

.

Two marriages destroyed

!

What the Kards are doing

Kim Kardashian

spent shmacktillions on her wedding, and now she's having trouble with . . .

goats?

She and new hub

Kris Humphries

encountered goat traffic jams while goofing round Italy on their pre-honey-thing. . . . Meantime, Kim's mommy,

Kris Jenner

, continues her insidious plan of world domination. She manages Kris, Kim, and

Khloé

: They call her the Momager. Now she's going to be a fill-in host on

The Talk

(CBS) and on

Today

(NBC). There will be no escape!!!

Spanish six-pack

That Rafael Nadal, he can sure wear underpants! This he does in the new fall Armani ads. He and Megan Fox did ads for the Armani army in January, and this fall, he displays more of himself.

Famed single doubles up

Well,

that

makes it official!

Jennifer Aniston

has rented a two-bedroom house in the Hollywood Hills with presumptive squeeze

Justin Theroux

. Here, too, In Touch is helpful, quoting

Anonymous Friend

again, who says Jenn says sex with JT is the best she's ever had.

And in other news . . .

In the day's biggest shock, Britney Spears tells People that had she not gone celeb, she'd have become a teacher. . . . Yanks shortstop Derek Jeter has reportedly split from gf Minka Kelly after three years. So says her rep. Three years is a long time for the famously nonmarried Jeet. . . . Lindsay Sloane is pregnant with a girl with hubby Dar Rollins. . . . The Gilbert Sisters, Sara and Melissa, are gettin' up and gettin' out. Sara is splitting from gf Allison Adler, and Melissa has filed to be sundered from hub Bruce Boxleitner. . . . Didja see those cool images of that Black Hole gulping down that Star, from the NASA Swift space telescope? Looked like the Wing Bowl.