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Tell Me About It: Readers offer the answers

While I'm away, readers give the advice. On persuading an overweight child to tackle the weight problem: I've struggled with weight all my life. I was also a foster parent for 20 years, taking in underloved and unlovable children of all ages. I couldn't reason with these kids, and they'd already been yelled at and shamed enough to last a lifetime.

While I'm away, readers give the advice.

On persuading an overweight child to tackle the weight problem: I've struggled with weight all my life. I was also a foster parent for 20 years, taking in underloved and unlovable children of all ages. I couldn't reason with these kids, and they'd already been yelled at and shamed enough to last a lifetime.

Over and over I learned (from family therapists) the value of positive reinforcement and of teaching by example, as well as of setting the mood and attitude in my home. Once they wanted to be part of a group (our family) they would change behavior to be more acceptable to that group.

When the behavior begins to change, that's when you reinforce it with compliments and smiles.

I took in those unlovely, badly behaved, needy children and gradually taught them "social skills" so that they were easier for others to accept, and bit by bit they became more lovable and more lovely inside and out. It's a long process - but it actually works.

Too many parents, especially men, try to "fix" their children after they are teens, which only teaches them that they are not good enough - at a time in their lives when they need every ounce of self-confidence they can manage. By the time they're 20, you can only do two things without harm: Listen endlessly, and set a good example.

- B.B.