Posted on Wed, Nov. 4, 2009
BOISE, Idaho - She hit bottom just before Christmas 1974. That was a long time ago, but that's also part of the point: For more than 35 years, Adele McGrath-Davis has been sober.
But at 93 years old, that means there were a lot of years in which she wasn't.
This particular Christmas, though, McGrath-Davis went to a party at the Yacht Club in California. It was a stylish, fashionable party featuring a lot of recognizable Hollywood names. McGrath-Davis wore a pink chiffon gown with a gorgeous beaded top. A friend told her, "You look just like a fairy princess."
"And I answered them: Yes, but I won't look like that when I leave tonight."
A friend "turned around and said to me, 'It doesn't have to be that way.' "
For McGrath-Davis, it did.
"Just like when I was a young girl, it was smart to have a cigarette in your hand," she said. "It started off that way and it was good as long as everything was going good in my life.
"But when tragedy struck, I didn't know how to handle it."
The tragedy was chicken pox. All three of her sons got sick, and when the fever subsided, her 18-month-old baby was brain-damaged. Today, he's 63, but back then the only option for his care was an institution where he has lived since he was 8.
"It just about killed me. I couldn't sleep. All I could think about was this child in this place and him heartbroken about why his mama would do this to him.
"So I started to take a drink to go to sleep. And then one drink wasn't enough, so it took two drinks. Then that wore off and it took three. It became a crutch, the only way I could sleep. So that's how it started, very innocently, with me saying I could stop any time."
McGrath-Davis lived in a beautiful home; she worked in a doctor's office that catered to Hollywood's rich and famous; she kept company with very influential people.
"But it doesn't matter if you're poor or out of work or whether you're living in a palace. If you're a drunk, you're a drunk." So that particular Christmas, McGrath-Davis drank too much as she knew she would. She fell and got mud all over the beautiful pink chiffon dress. As her friend picked McGrath-Davis up off the ground, she invited her to a meeting - to Alcoholics Anonymous. New Year's Eve was coming up, though, and McGrath-Davis couldn't miss those parties.
"Ten o'clock on New Year's Day, she called me. Took me to AA and I never had another drink."
She was 58 years old.
In the complex path that is our lives, the very thing that troubled McGrath-Davis also was the thing that drove her to action. First, there was the work into which McGrath-Davis plunged as she sought help for her son. When she tried to find a kindergarten for him, no one would take him. So she and a fledgling group of parents (she was living in Toronto) started their own school, which grew into an active local, then nationwide, advocacy group that it is today.
McGrath-Davis met and worked closely with Eunice Shriver - Shriver in the United States, McGrath-Davis in Canada - to nurture a group called Recreation for the Retarded into what is now the internationally supported Special Olympics.
When McGrath-Davis left Canada (and her son) for California, her life took significant turns, including AA, a new marriage - plus a visit to her first homeless shelter. When she moved to Boise six years ago, McGrath-Davis stopped in under the "Jesus Saves" sign that hung over Boise Rescue Mission.
"I went down to serve a meal and realized how blessed I was that I had escaped Skid Row. I would have ended up either killing somebody behind the wheel or my liver. But for the grace of God, AA was there to help me. And but for the grace of God, Boise Rescue Mission is there for anybody who needs help."
McGrath-Davis is particularly fond of visiting the mission's City Light home for women, where she'll lunch and talk with the guests.
"I'm so old, I'm the great-grandmother of everybody. . . . They trust me. They know I've been through what they've been through. I understand.
"I'm just an encourager of people having a hard time in life. [I tell them] that you can be an overcomer, that you can be victorious - but I also say you can do nothing really permanent without the Lord. After all, he made me."
McGrath-Davis is still full of fire even as she jokes about the statistical inevitability of her death. Her failing eyesight frustrates her as does the loneliness of old age, even as she can't help but be assertive and gregarious. Her life has blossomed with compassion, wisdom, and generosity.
"It just proves you can be anything you really want to be - if you really set your mind to it. You can't do it on your own, but with God's help, you can do anything. God provides angels, too."
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