Web Search powered by YAHOO! SEARCH

options

ALAN ZENUK

Bitty Schram returned to "Monk" last week as Adrian's original assistant Sharona.

1 of 2

View images

READER FEEDBACK

Dave on Demand: Little worth seeing, so: Class, dismissed!

By David Hiltbrand

For the Inquirer

Thanks for coming to the parents-teachers conference. The fact that you've taken time out of your busy schedules to be here is proof of how devoted you are to helping your children succeed.

I won't lie to you: It's been a rocky year so far. One student with exhibitionist tendencies (The Jay Leno Show) seemed more intent on wasting our time than on getting any work done. And he insisted on taking up five desks! Well, I never.

We've had one expulsion (The Beautiful Life); one student has been asked to clean out his desk (Trauma); and some of our other "scholars" (Brothers, Eastwick, The Forgotten) are, to put it bluntly, very close to flunking out.

In fact, most years they'd already be gone, but this is a disturbingly small class to begin with, so they're getting the benefit of the doubt. For now.

We have a number of returning faces (Kelsey Grammer in Hank, Patricia Heaton in The Middle, Jenna Elfman in Accidentally on Purpose). You'd think repeating the grade would give them a leg up, but they're exhibiting less command of the material than ever before. That's discouraging.

It's years like this, frankly, that make me question my career choices. My mother wanted me to be a lawyer. Thank goodness, there's always one student (Glee) who reminds you why you went into teaching to begin with.

I must say the class clown (Modern Family) shows signs of unusual intelligence. And the younger sibling (NCIS: Los Angeles) of one of my most successful students is performing beyond expectations.

Other than that, I'm sorry to say, it's a wasteland.

Anyway, your kids have left a note for you in their desks. If it's illegible (and the one I saw from FastForward certainly is), take it home and have them translate.

Please don't bring it to me. I'm going to go home, pop a couple of aspirin, wrap myself in a Snuggie, and watch a Law & Order rerun.

Like mother's milk. According to a disturbing new Nielsen study, 2- to 5-year-olds are now spending on average more than 32 hours per week parked in front of the TV set.

The figure includes an hour and a half of shows stored on the DVR. These tots also watch far more commercials during playback than any other age group.

What these findings suggest to me is that toddlers are capable of programming the DVR but haven't figured out how to fast-forward through ads.

Stupid babies!

Fore! Last week's Monk got a lot of attention for the return of Adrian's original assistant, Sharona (Bitty Schram).

I was more entertained by guest star Jack Wagner playing a golf pro. Wagner, who for some of us will always be Frisco on General Hospital, displayed the easy, suave charm of his namesake, Robert Wagner.

And, boy howdy, he can really smack a golf ball.

Always with us. Speaking of guest stars, it was great to see Marianne Muellerleile show up on Curb Your Enthusiasm this week as muffin-top Maureen's disturbed mom.

I can't think of an actress who has appeared in more episodic TV than Mullerleile, who's guested on everything from The A-Team to The Suite Life of Zack and Cody. For as long as I can remember, if you needed a glowering nurse or nun or prison matron, she's been your gal.

Contact staff writer David Hiltbrand at 215-854-4552 or dhiltbrand@phillynews.com. Read his recent work at http://go.philly.com/daveondemand.