Sideshow: Mr. Penn goes to Washington

By Tirdad Derakhshani

Inquirer Staff Writer

From White Castle to the White House!

"I brushed my teeth; I did floss, used mouthwash . . . took the bus to work, same thing that everybody does."

With those searing, unforgettable words, actor Kal Penn (you know, House?, the acclaimed, pivotal Harold & Kumar films?) began his dream job yesterday. He is now an associate director in the Office of Public Liaison, running niceness between the Barack Obama House of White and Asian-American and Pacific Islander communities, and arts groups. (Note to Prez: Last item does not belong?) Penn, of Asian Indian descent, is on Hollywood hiatus for the job, which, he said, has nothing to do with him being an actor. No, course not, why would that be why you were chosen!? He'll use his real name, Kalpen Suresh Modi, on the job, instead of his surreal, movieland name. Frighteningly, he says he expects to be treated "just like any other staff member." A chill down the spine! Good luck, Kal.

Bots by a button; rally downs dinos!

That's the Variety-style headline for the last-moment surge by which Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen retained first place in the movie box-office sweeps over the Fourth of July weekend. As of Sunday eve, Paramount's Transformers was just about tied with 20th Century Fox's Ice Age: Dawn of the Dinosaurs with $42.5 mil apiece. It was a battle of (Megan) Fox (Transformer anti-bot hottie) against Fox! A battle of sequels! Of colons! Of subtitles with the form Blank of the Blanks! Thousands were pacing, tearing out their hair! Billions were asleep in their beds!

But then distributors sent in final tallies, and when the last cashbox was emptied, the bots beasted the beasts, or bested the beasts, yanking in $42.4 million, squeaking by Ice Age's cool $41.6 million.

Megan Fox must be keeping those bots lubricated. Her flick stays No. 1, is one of the best-opening films of all time, and is the hottest movie of the year bucks-wise ($293 mil domestically in just 12 days). How hot is my bot? How hot a bot you got?

Can Potter beat the bots?

That's the question on nobody's mind this week, but if Fox is still in first position this time next week, she'll face yet another earthshaking foe, going from mammoths to magic. That's because Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, the filmic version of J.K. Rowling's second-to-last Potter tome, is slated to hit the universe July 15. The stars of the film series, Rupert Grint (Ron Weasley), Emma Watson (Hermione Granger), and chain-smoking, naked-on-stage, cursing-in-public he-man Daniel Radcliffe (Harry P.), are showing up for huggy photos all over the cosmos right now. Grint just had a bout with the H1N1 2009 influenza, known to pig-haters as the swine flu, but he's OK. Just not great with the anti-sick magic protection screen, evidently. Watson is 19, Grint 20, Radcliffe 20 in a couple of weeks. Yet they're all still at Hogwarts??? Watson was first cast when she was 9! Ah, the magic of movies.

Rumor has it that Rumer has it

Who would you say this describes: "A punky, cute lesbian who isn't afraid to speak her mind"?

Correct, at least in the minds of TV execs: Rumer Willis, 20. Eldest daughter of Bruce Willis and Demi Moore (now married to different people), Rumer will appear next season on CW's 90210, says a network spokesgal. Rumer will play Gia, new kid at West Beverly Hills High. She'll work at the school paper. (Now there's a growth medium.) BTW, her lovely first name is in honor of British writer Rumer Godden.

Kara says yes, and nobody argues

Church bells were ringing across the land. And they didn't toll for thee. They tolled for Kara DioGuardi, 38, producer and/or kinda-singer or maybe-even songwriter best known for surviving the most recent season of American Idol as a judge. A small wedding in a sweet New Englandy church in Prospect Harbor, Maine, was the scene of her splicing to contractor guy Mike McCuddy. We would write "The bride wore Vera Wang," but we are for some reason embarrassed by this sentence. Absolutely not much mention of what Contractor Guy had on. DioGuardi said, "I feel great" to In Touch Weekly and, presumably, "I do" to McCuddy, 34. Still a mystery: Will Kara return for another year at Idol? Would you?

Star-powered fireworks on the Fourth

In yet another demonstration of the power of patriotic fervor to bring families together, Jon and Kate Gosselin, becoming more famous by the day for being about to divorce than for ever being married, celebrated the Fourth of July near Reading with their kids. Sparklers and everything. . . . On the very same day, Amy and Marty Wolff, who lost a lot of poundage but gained each other during the 2007 season of The Biggest Loser (marrying in March 2008), welcomed a son, Blaine Patrick Wolff, into this enlightening world, according to People. Blaine weighed 10 pounds, 14 ounces, but will probably gain from there. . . . On the exact same day, Joyce DeWitt, 60, and the least famous of the amazing three (John Ritter and Suzanne Somers being the other two) who drove Three's Company into such blazing heights in the days before Twitter, was pulled over in El Segundo, Calif., for DUI. . . . On the exact same day, singer Chris Brown attended a Hollywood bash with singer Teyana Taylor, famous for looking much like Rihanna, the Barbadian beauty and songbird whom Brown pleaded guilty to beating this year. Brown and Taylor were at a "White Party" (everybody wore blinding white) cohosted by Sean "Who's Your Diddy?" Combs and Ashton Kutcher and sponsored by Cîroc. The benefit was for the very deserving Malaria No More cause. Also in attendance were Demi "Who's Ashton's Mommy?" Moore, Janice "I'm Diddy's Mother" Combs, Mariah Carey, Amber Rose, Russell Brand, Melanie Brown, Cassie, and Shanna Moakler. . . . Where was Rihanna? you ask. Of course you would. She was in Las Vegas to view rapper Jay-Z at his show at the Palms Pearl Concert Theater. The two then went over to a 30-person nosh at Tao restaurant with LeBron James, a shorter person named Jamie Foxx, and, well, about 26 others.