Ask Amy: Her frugal habits are starting to worry him

Dear Amy:

I've been dating Anabel for about a year. She is nice, funny and sincere. What I used to consider a quirky endearment, I now consider an annoyance.

Anabel is cheap. She says she is a "frugal environmentalist."

If we get coffee at Starbucks, she'll bring her own mug and take wads of napkins and sugar packets home to use later.

If we go out to eat, she brings her own containers to box the leftovers. She tries to recycle everything. She never buys anything full price, and she clips coupons like crazy.

When we go out to dinner, she always asks what everyone is getting so that she can order something comparable in price. That way, when we split the bill, she won't feel as if she's getting ripped off.

If she needs to run an errand less than 2 miles away, she insists on walking instead of driving.

I had a friend who was down and out, so I lent him money. She absolutely flipped out and said I was never going to get the money back and that he spent it frivolously. She called him a deadbeat.

He's my friend, and I believe friends help each other.

She has a small group of friends and doesn't like to hang out with people she thinks will take advantage of her. Many of my friends don't like her.

How do I get her to tone down this abnormal behavior? I do believe in recycling and all that, but I think she takes it too far.

Dear Not:

Some of what Anabel is doing is commendable - except stealing napkins and sugar from Starbucks. Where's the environmental benefit in taking paper - and sugar individually packaged in more paper - for use at home?

Beyond your girlfriend's commitment to the environment, your account makes her sound stingy, unpleasant and intractable.

Couples thrive when each person adopts the other's more attractive qualities and accepts the other's input in toning down annoying quirks. Because she thinks of her less attractive characteristics as being those of a frugal environmentalist, she is not likely to change. She seems to think she's saving the planet by being exactly as she is.

However, you should demonstrate that you're capable of adopting some of your girlfriend's practices - in return you should see if she is capable of being generous.