We knew E.T.; you're no E.T.

I'm all for subtitles in foreign-language films - the initial distraction of dealing with a crawl of text soon becomes second nature, and the natural inflections and speech patterns of the cast do the movie far more service than clunky dubbing by a third-tier gang of English-speaking thespians.

But

CJ7

, a kiddie flick from China, begs to be dubbed. It's a slapdash and spirited

E.T

.-like fantasy about a poor little boy and his green fuzzy-haired pal from space, and its target audience is the same demographic as its bright-eyed hero, a grade-school boy named Dicky (actually played by a grade-school girl, Xu Jiao).

Living in abject poverty in an abandoned, crumbling building with his struggling dad, Dicky goes to a fancy private school where he's routinely bullied and ridiculed. Things are pretty bleak, but then a UFO deposits a kitschy creature in the neighborhood: a squeaky, shape-shifting thing with saucer eyes and the ability to help Dicky cheat on tests (there's a message!) and bend it like Beckham on the soccer field.

Kung Fu Hustle

star Stephen Chow cowrote, directed and appears as Dicky's hard-pressed widower father in the film, which

runs

on a tank of potty humor, cartoon slapstick, and cheesy special effects. At turns hokey, nonsensical, manic and maudlin, there's so little emotional or psychological depth in

CJ7

that the only audience likely to care about it are the same wee tykes that couldn't be bothered to read what passes for dialogue at the bottom of the screen.

Directed by Stephen Chow. With Xu Jiao, Kitty Zhang and Chow. Distributed by Sony Pictures Classics. In Cantonese with subtitles.

Running time:

1 hour, 28 mins.

Parent's guide:

PG (child in jeopardy, adult themes)

Playing at:

Ritz at the Bourse