Sideshow | Of Zeta-Jones and caviar for hair

Catherine Zeta-Jones

is pretty. And spirited.

The powerhouse wife of Hollywood powerhouse Michael Douglas comes out swinging with a fistful of humor over rumors about her allegedly grody and decadent daily regimen.

"Is it true that I put caviar and truffles in my hair to keep it glossy? Yes, I spend thousands of dollars . . . for my hair," Zeta-Jones, 37, tells USA Today with "a dismissive snort."

Noting that she's had a job since she was 10, she rubbished the ugliest rumor of all: the "preconceived notion that I married Michael for his money." Stop conceiving it!

Zeta-Jones stars opposite a lot of food as an uptight chef in No Reservations. The film teaches us - through laughter and through tears - that a child can change the life of even the most career-minded woman.

Some silly and sweet quotes this week from

Christopher Walken

, who plays Wilbur Turnblad, husband to

John Travolta

's Edna Turnblad and the father to

Nikki Blonsky

's Tracy Turnblad, who's the heroine in the film adaptation of the Broadway adaptation of the '88

John Waters

film,

Hairspray

, which opens today.

IFC's Henry Rollins asked Walken about his trademark voice, which has this lilt to it, a sort of sing-songy yet Schoenbergian atonal melody: "I'm not sure I'm an actor. I think the Walken thing is just what I do," Walken says on The Henry Rollins Show, set to air tonight. "It's interesting that everyone can impersonate me but I can't imitate anyone."

In a chat with Details (www.details.com), the lovably oddball Walken explores a couple of his quirks:

1. He doesn't own or know how to use a cell phone or a computer. 2. He yanks his hair on a daily basis. ("If you keep your scalp skin loose, you're more apt to keep your hair.")

The lovely and talented

Siouxsie Sioux

(who now goes by Siouxsie only), front woman for the post-punk goth heroes

Siouxsie and the Banshees

, is releasing her very first solo record since she emerged on the punk scene in '76.

Mantaray

, the PR people say, incorporates "industrial rhythms, modern glam, and other organic elements." It's due out Oct. 2.

"We just got engaged and both of us want to enjoy the journey right now,"

Brooke Mueller

tells People mag. The 29-year-old real estate investor, who recently said "

Yes!

" to an 11-carat, $500,000 engagement ring proffered by 41-year-old

Two and a Half Men

star

Charlie Sheen

, is, like, let's don't rush the wedding. "We really want to live this part of our lives."

Dr. Drew Pinsky

, the youthful, photogenic 48-year-old psychiatrist who dispensed medico-moral love advice on MTV's

Loveline

, is all

Sturm und Drang

about the slutty state of our culture to Online women's mag SavvyMiss.com.

"Samantha absolutely was a sex addict, categorically," the conservative Dr. Drew says about Kim Cattrall's Sex and the City character.

"In fact . . . [the] person who the character was fashioned after . . . became a prostitute and died of cocaine addiction." Yikes!

Dr. Drew, who cures souls at the celeb-rich Las Encinas Hospital rehab in Pasadena, Calif., says, "We look at Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan and Nicole Richie and people are like 'Oh, boy, such childish behavior.' No, two of those women will be dead within the next five years."

People also talked to

Desperate Housewives

star

Eva Longoria

about her honeymoon with

Tony Parker

: "It was so romantic, it was just the two of us. We were completely alone together. We didn't see people for days." Sounds like they really wore out their board games, Operation: Shrek Edition and Battleship.

Signs Tony, the studly 25-year-old NBA star, is already bugging out about the whole married thing: "It's weird, it's weird," he told the AP about having a wedding band. "I don't wear rings."

Today

show investigative reporter

Matt Lauer

has uncovered the secret to loopy

Paula Abdul

's recent spell of loopy happiness: She's dating a guy - restaurateur

J.T. Torregiani

, to be precise. He "is a good guy," she says. J.T. owns the Hollywood eatery Ketchup.

The media, such as they are, ask: Will

Mandy Patinkin

's departure from CBS's intelligent crime drama

Criminal Minds

affect the show?

Let's see: Patinkin is a smart thesp who has fashioned his character as the moral and intellectual heart of the show. Rip the heart out and you get . . . Flatline. CBS is undaunted. (I'll eat my Phillies cap if they pull off a miracle.)