Tommy Lee Jones, who grew in the West Texas town of Midland before going off to Harvard, where he played football and roomed with Al Gore, doesn't suffer fools gladly.

So, it's no surprise that the 61-year-old thesp, who pays homage to his roots in No Country for Old Men, didn't mince words when 02138 - a mag for and about Harvard people - asked him to comment on plans to build a fence along the U.S. border with Mexico.

"The idea of a fence between El Paso and Brownsville bears all the credibility and seriousness of flying saucers from Mars, or leprechauns. Or any manner of malicious, paranoid superstition. In other words, it's [bovine waste]," said Jones.

Then, again, feel free to dismiss what Jones said as hooey. Asked if celebs' opinions about issues have more weight, Mr. Jones said, "If you're famous, your voice doesn't really have any greater right to being heard."

Gwyneth says it ain't so

Rubbish! Rubbish, Rubbish, Rubbish!

So says the always genteel, well-bred Gwyneth Paltrow to British Glamour in an attempt to discard persistent reports that her four-year marriage to Chris Martin is all but over. Fact, she says, theirs is a great union.

"Having a family has made me feel whole," says Paltrow, 35. "I used to always be searching and always lonely. I never feel like that anymore." Gwen and Chris have two kids, 4-year-old Apple and Moses, who celebrated his second birthday Tuesday.

It's not over till it's over

You could tell by the way they looked at each other in 1990's State of Grace they belonged together - 4-ever. It's like this cosmic law had guided the Madonna-chastened Sean Penn to find his way into Robin Wright's heart. It worked: The couple began dating in 1990 and married in 1996.

Tragedy struck 11 years later when, on Dec. 27, 2007, the Penns announced they were divorcing. (Oh, how that burnt up my soul. It made me ache so.)

But no one can deny the cosmos: Celeb TV show Extra reports that Sean and Robin, who have two kids, Dylan Frances, 17, and Hopper Jack, 14, have asked the court to throw out their divorce case. Reportedly, the couple looked happy together Tuesday night at the Eddie Vedder concert in San Francisco.

Like sister, like brother

Barron Hilton, who has such an extraordinary role model in older sis Paris Hilton, yesterday pleaded no contest to DUI charges stemming from his Feb. 12 arrest, reports CelebTV.com.

Hilton, 18, was shown some mercy: He was placed on three years' probation, his license has been suspended for a year, and he must attend a three-month alcohol program. What's more, he also must visit the L.A. County morgue for a look-see at the potential consequences of drinking and driving and, finally, attend a lecture by Mothers Against Drunk Driving.

Dr. Oprahstein creates another

Looks like Oprah's Frankenstein days aren't over: She's giving her bud, Dr. Mehmet Oz, his own gabfest, reports Broadcasting & Cable.

Oprah assembled her most famous creation, Dr. Phil, using body parts from deceased psychiatrists, middle-school vice principals, and secondhand car salesmen, which she glued together with gobs of good intentions.

Oz, 47, who has been nicknamed "America's Doctor" by his benefactor, is vice chair and professor of surgery at Columbia University and the author of best-selling self-help tomes You: The Owners' Manual; You: On a Diet, and You: Staying Young.

Are they just messin' with us?

It's true, says People mag. On Tuesday night Beyoncé did attend the Jay-Z-Mary J. Blige show at Atlanta's Phillips Arena. And, yes, she was spotted wearing what has been described as a "huge rock" on the ringer finger of her left hand. Surely this is confirmation she and Jay-Z really did get married? The couple remain silent.

This dude knows how to party on

Funnyman Mike Myers will have a second go as host of the MTV Movie Awards, which will be broadcast live June 1 from the Gibson Amphitheatre in Universal City, Calif.

Myers is tickled. "Hosting the MTV Movie Awards is like a party, but without having to do beer runs in your mom's minivan; we do beer runs in Will Smith's four-story motorhome," he said. Nominees will be announced in May.

The 'Bachelor' and the Girl Scout

Former Bachelor star Andy Baldwin tells People he and his new gf, Marla Maples (as in the former Mrs. Trump), are having a "blooming romance." Andy, who is a decade younger than the 44-year-old Marla, said his girl made a good first impression: "She's polite and respectful and has a great heart."

Marla seems equally besotted. "There's a lot of sweet, cute people in the world, but it's what's in here," she said, pointing to Baldwin's heart, "that counts."

This means the dashing naval officer has, alas, dumped Tessa Horst, the lovely social worker he proposed to on the Bachelor finale.

An engagement up in smoke

Weeds star Mary-Louise Parker, 43, and her on-again, off-again bf, Weeds costar Jeffrey Dean Morgan, have called off their engagement. Parker, who has a son with Billy Crudup (he left her while she was still pregnant), adopted a baby girl last fall. No comment from either camp.

Checking in on the charts

George Strait's Troubadour this week became the country hero's fourth album to hit No. 1 on the Billboard chart. (It's his 22d album atop the Top Country Albums chart.) Strait's CD sold 166,000 in its first week, beating out R.E.M.'s Accelerate, which sold 115,000 units in its first week, landing at No. 2. Compilation record NOW 27 sold 60,000 CDs to move from No. 5 to No. 3.

In a shocking development, last week's chart-topper, Day26's self-titled album, slipped to No. 4, selling only 51,000 units, which amounts to a 73 percent sales decline. Ouch!

Finally, Van Morrison, whose career spans 40 blessed years, has finally scored his very first top-10 album with Lost Highway, which debuted at No. 10 with 37,000.

Yeah, that's the idea!

In what must have been an extraordinary spasm of creative insight, some producer or other at MTV Networks has discovered the way to save the newspaper industry from obsolescence and maximize profits: Make a reality show about life at a college newspaper.

(Snoooze . . .)

The New York Observer says (via Gawker.com) the show will follow the lives, the loves - and the scoops - of the cub reporters at the Circuit, the rag at Cypress Bay High School in Weston, Fla.

Ingeniously titled The Paper, it will debut Tuesday after MTV's reality show about the world of high-profile metaphysics students, The Hills.

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Contact "SideShow" at sideshow@phillynews.com. This article contains information from Inquirer news services and Web sites.