WHEN IT comes to Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt, Tattle is torn. We hate to write about them because they're the worst type of publicity whores. On the other hand, the freak show is a very popular carnival attraction.
So, here's the latest from the demonic duo. Please shower after.
TMZ.com: Spencer is trying to sell a sex tape with him and Heidi.
RadarOnline.com: Heidi denies there is a sex tape.
TMZ.com: Spencer meets Heidi in Costa Rica and threatens that if she doesn't agree to do another reality show with him - one about her trying to leave him - he will release the tape(s).
TMZ.com: Spencer's asking price is $5 million. He says that he has enough for a whole Web site. There are allegedly scenes with normal pre-surgery Heidi and Macy's Parade float-like post-surgery Heidi. Spencer's thought process - "When I realized how much Kim [Kardashian] was making, my logic is this is the best thing I can do for my ex-wife. Kim is on the cover of Allure right now. Heidi isn't on the cover of Allure."
TMZ.com: Spencer says that he has a sex tape of Heidi and Playboy Playmate Karissa Shannon.
TMZ.com: Spencer's protege, and Snooki's ex, Emilio, is upset that he didn't make a sex tape. "Wish I did that with Snooki," he said. "But I'm still learning and wasn't as smart as [Spencer]."
Not as smart as Spencer? OMG.
Vampires, men wed
"True Blood" stars Anna Paquin, 28, and Stephen Moyer, 40, were married Saturday night in Malibu, "surrounded by their family and friends."
So say their publicists.
* Meanwhile in Washington, D.C., former Oprah chef Art Smith, 50, married artist Jesus Salgueiro, 49, his longtime partner, at Smith's Art and Soul restaurant, on Capitol Hill.
The Chicago Tribune reports that more than 400 guests attended and that the wedding featured a nine-tiered wedding cake, a 10-man chorus and 14 guest chefs.
Guests included spiritualist Marianne Williamson, who led the service, designer Nate Berkus, Congressman John Dingell, Fox News broadcaster Chris Wallace, former NFL lineman Warren Sapp and Chicago drag queen Chilli Pepper.
If you think heterosexual vows are sappy, Salgueiro said, "I am an artist, but you are the Art - my art. Without you, the canvas of my life would be empty and bare."
Smith said, "While I may set the table, be it known that you are the banquet and the feast."
'Honor' amongst gamers?
In the upcoming game "Medal of Honor," due in October, players will be able to take on the role of . . . the Taliban.
Britain's defense secretary Liam Fox says that the game is a "tasteless product" and is calling on retailers to show their support for troops by not selling it.
Fox said yesterday that it's "shocking that someone would think it acceptable to re-create the acts of the Taliban."
"Medal of Honor" is produced by California-based Electronic Arts, whose spokeswoman Amanda Taggart told London's Sunday Times that the format of the game "merely reflects the fact that every conflict has two sides."
It's a game, not a philosophical debate.
We don't find much offensive at Tattle, but this is offensive.
* R&B singer Faith Evans was arrested Saturday night after being stopped at a DUI checkpoint in the L.A. area.
Officer Cleon Joseph of the LAPD says that Evans was arrested near Marina del Rey on suspicion of misdemeanor drunken driving. He says Evans was held for a few hours and released on bail. Her car was impounded.
Evans is the widow of Notorious B.I.G.
* Sylvester Stallone talks about how he got in shape for "The Expendables" in the new issue of Muscle & Fitness magazine, but what really caught Tattle's attention was Sly's diet.
"I'll go five days on a low-fat diet that's pretty monotonous," he says. "So come Friday night until about Sunday afternoon, I eat everything - quarts of ice cream, oatmeal cookies by the kilo. I do this until I'm so repulsed that I can't wait to get back on the diet. I'll gain 7 pounds in one weekend. Then when I go back on my normal diet, I'm grateful to do it. By Tuesday it's all gone."
* Wyclef Jean said yesterday that he is not abandoning his bid to become president of Haiti yet and will try to get the courts to overturn a decision disqualifying him from the race.
Haiti's elections board rejected Jean's candidacy Friday night - presumably because it decided that he had not met residency requirements, although the board did not cite a specific reason. Under Haitian law, a presidential candidate must have lived in the country for five consecutive years leading up to the election.
Jean has argued that he was not required to comply with the law so strictly because after President Rene Preval appointed him as roving ambassador in 2007, he was allowed to travel and live outside the country.
* According to the Hollywood Reporter, Philadelphia native Matt Holloway and his screenwriting partner, Art Marcum, have lined up another project: "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles."
Marcum and Holloway previously worked on the first "Iron Man" movie. They also worked on 2008's "Punisher: War Zone," and wrote a remake of "Highlander" as well as a new version of "Buck Rogers."
* North Carolina collectibles dealer Richard Kohl is hawking a toilet ripped from the former home of author J.D. Salinger.
Kohl said that he bought the porcelain halo from a New Hampshire couple who owned the home and vouched for its authenticity. The throne has an eBay asking price of $1 million, but Kohl seems willing to negotiate.
You won't be able to write like Salinger, but for the right price you will be able to read like him.
Daily News wire services contributed to this report.