'And So It Goes,' la-di-dull: Intriguing pairing, sappy script

Michael Douglas and Diane Keaton haven't appeared together in a movie before. Which is too bad - it would have been a kick to see Gordon Gekko put the moves on Annie Hall, or Det. Nick Curran grilling Kay Corleone, or, who knows, the tightly wound leading man and the la-di-da actress teamed in some razor-sharp and witty romance.

Unfortunately, Douglas and Keaton have chosen And So It Goes for their inaugural collaboration, and razor-sharp and witty it is not. Laden with spongy cliches and three-quarter-life mini-crises, the film stars Douglas as Oren Little, a Scrooge-y widower and real estate agent in waterfront Connecticut. Keaton is Leah, a widow and lounge singer with clumsy between-song banter. They are next-door neighbors in a fourplex facing the beach. Oren owns the place, and he leans back on his porch like a plantation owner, slinging martinis - and slinging insults at anyone in his line of fire.

Then his long-estranged son (Scott Shepherd) shows up to say that he's going to prison, and that he needs Oren to take care of, yes, the granddaughter Oren didn't know he had. This is impossible, because Oren has buried his heart with his deceased wife. Why not give the girl to an orphanage, or track down her drug-addict mother? Leah is appalled at Oren's icy response and so she takes in 9-year-old Sarah (Sterling Jerins).

Will the reluctant Gramps come around? Will Oren and Leah, each full of memories of their departed spouses, make room for a third-act love affair? Can Oren get Leah better gigs for better pay? Will he help deliver the upstairs tenant's baby when she goes into labor and the paramedics don't show? (It's the least messy childbirth in the history of motion pictures.)

Rob Reiner, who as a director has a clutch of truly significant films under his belt (This Is Spinal Tap, The Princess Bride, Stand By Me, When Harry Met Sally. . .), should have known better than to pick up Mark Andrus' saccharine screenplay, let alone make it. Worse, Reiner, as an actor, dons a bad toupee (it's a running joke) to play Leah's nightclub accompanist. He even subjects himself to a bit of slapstick humiliation on a kiddie Slip 'N Slide.

None of this is remotely funny. It's actually kind of sad.

Directed by Rob Reiner. With Michael Douglas, Diane Keaton, Sterling Jerins, and Frances Sternhagen. Distributed by Clarius Entertainment.

Running time: 1 hour, 34 mins.

Parent's guide: PG-13 (profanity, adult themes).

Playing at: area theaters.EndText