After we have sex my boyfriend always goes and takes a shower. It makes me feel bad and like I’m dirty. Should I say something?
Steve: Everyone likes things different. Some like to be stinky and dirty. Some like clear and clean. Don’t take it personally. If you talk to him about it, I bet you can make it even sexier.
Mia: You could or else you could stop taking it as an insult. Too often, people make up in their heads the reasons why their partner is doing something and they can be completely off base. Maybe dude just likes to be squeaky clean at all times. Maybe he has obsessive compulsive disorder. Does it really matter? I can think of worse problems to have. If you miss cuddling after sex, you can always join him in the shower and continue the party in there. But whatever you do lighten up. Not everything’s a knock on you.
I’m in my twenties and seeing a couple of men, nothing really serious or anything. But when we get together I notice certain similarities. The sex starts out okay but then they start acting like they’re a jack rabbit or something which I absolutely hate. I end up laying there and feeling used afterwards. How do I make it stop?
Mia: Stop it by assuming control of your sex life. Don’t let them crawl on top and just take over if that’s not what you want. Be clear about your expectations and if they start with the stupid jack rabbit thing holler out, “Hold up, wait a minute!” Then tell them to slow down or it’s over. It’s fine to keep your options open sexually with various men but make sure you’re in the driver’s seat otherwise you’ll wind up regretting it. And while you’re at it, you’d better be having safer sex.
Steve: Amen on you, girl. Men assume they know best, but the smart ones ask first: What would like best, darling? Have fun asking about all sorts of little things. Remember there is no “right way.” Every one has differences. A smart man will ask the woman what she likes — and what she doesn’t like. And remember, a gal needs to teach her opinion as a gift, not a complaint. That way the boyfriend learns the right way to make her happy. If he ignores what you want? Time to dump him. A guy like that is a poor partner.