My husband is the best man in a wedding and has arranged a trip to a strip club. It’s for his best friend, but I’m six months’ pregnant and am high risk and very upset. He’s a married man and shouldn’t be there, but he says it’s what his friend wants. I’m so upset. Am I wrong?
Mia: Girl, of course you aren’t wrong. You’re in a bad spot — one you probably won’t win. You can choose to trust your guy. What other choice do you really have?
Steve: This can work, but the key is learning every detail of what the strip-club visitors do. Tell your husband that nothing should be done illegally. Ask him specifically what he plans to do personally. And tell him that if he winds up with the cops, that could end your marriage. If he loves you as much as he likes the soon-to-be married guy, then he will make it a very safe event. If your friend insists on potential crime, then hubby must say no. If he says yes, then time for you to say goodbye.
I am a 57-year-old divorced woman with two grown sons. Lately I have been thinking a lot about my first love, who I met 40 years ago. We have not been in contact for 35 years — having drifted apart after trying to maintain a long-distance relationship — but I have located him on social media. He has three grown children, but it appears that he may be divorced (if the lack of a wedding ring is any indication).
Would it be OK to reach out to him via email or private messenger? If so, I don’t even know how to start the conversation. Of course, if he’s married or otherwise attached, I would not want to upset the apple cart. If it matters, he lives about eight hours away. I don’t know what his reaction would be, but I’m afraid that if I don’t at least try, I will always wonder, “What if ?” Do you think I should go for it? And if so, how? Or just keep the past in the past? How would you react if your first love contacted you out of the blue?
Mia: Send him a friend request. I see nothing wrong with sending a friendly hello. It’ll probably make his day!
Steve: The great thing about memory is that as years pass, so does the bad news. Do it and enjoy it, but pay careful attention. As the O’Jays have sung: “All the time they want to take your place, / The backstabbers (backstabbers) / They smile in your face / All the time they want to take your place …”
Between them, Steve and Mia have logged more than a few decades in the single-and-dating world. They’re also wise to the ways of married life. They don’t always agree, but they have plenty of answers. Contact them at S&M c/o Daily News, 801 Market St., Philadelphia, PA 19107 or firstname.lastname@example.org.