Q: Do you have any advice for reviving a sexless marriage? Or is it hopeless?
Steve: If you’re in love, it’s never hopeless. I’d say unpredictable. The older — or more unhealthy — you get, usually, the less sex you can have. But love beats health. You may not be able to be get a sex machine, but there’s lots of other ways to make you happy physically.
Mia: It doesn’t have to be hopeless. If you love your partner and are committed to each other you can rekindle your passion. But first you need to rule out any medical causes. You both should get checkups. If nothing abnormal is found, liven up your dead bedroom by starting to date again. Get dressed up and go out and have fun like you used to. Too often, couples get so comfortable with each other that they wind up spending more time flossing their teeth next to each other than they do massaging their partner’s back or listening his hopes and dreams. When’s the last time you even talked sexy to each other or wrote each other a love note? Do all of that. Make your bedroom enticing or better yet book a hotel room in the Caribbean. Walk on the beach and hold hands to see if you’ve still got it. After all of that, if you still have problems, you might want to enlist a qualified sex therapist. Google to find one near you. Enjoy getting reconnected to your partner again!
Q: I’m 32 and feel that I should know who the right woman is by now, but something always goes wrong. I was engaged to a woman and – bam – I met the most beautiful person I ever met! So I broke off the engagement. But then things with the new woman didn’t work out. Then I met a younger woman and things seemed headed toward engagement and – bam – I met the smartest woman I ever met! So the younger woman and I broke up. That’s the way things go. It seems like all or nothing. How can I make things just right?
Mia: Dude, relax. What’s the rush? You need to stop trying to find The One and concentrate instead on enjoying yourself and getting to know your partner. The right one will reveal herself in time. But not if you keep hopping from woman to woman.
Steve: “Did you ever have to make up your mind? And pick up on one and leave the other behind?” If you’re looking for perfection, you’ll never get it right. For one thing you are far from perfect. Plus the world has a tendency to steer women your way once you’ve already met a great one. When it comes to life, nothing is perfect. The key is to think about how nice is a woman. Forget her looks. Consider how she loves you. That’s the key. Like “Lovin’ Spoonful” noted at the end, “You bet you’d better finally decide. And say yes to one and let the other one ride.”