Steve and Mia: My boyfriend's jackhammering is getting me down
Met a great guy, we have a wonderful time together. He's kind and sensitive and thoughtful … except in bed. This guy only has one move, and it's a jackhammer. He hates when I'm on top, and I try to get him to slow down when we're in missionary, but after a few minutes he goes right back to his regular super-fast speed. I try to bring it up when we're not in bed but he gets super defensive and shuts down the conversation. I like everything else about him, and could see a future with him, but I don't want to deal with this for the rest of my life.
Met a great guy, we have a wonderful time together. He’s kind and sensitive and thoughtful … except in bed. This guy only has one move, and it’s a jackhammer. He hates when I’m on top, and I try to get him to slow down when we’re in missionary, but after a few minutes he goes right back to his regular super-fast speed. I try to bring it up when we’re not in bed but he gets super defensive and shuts down the conversation. I like everything else about him, and could see a future with him, but I don’t want to deal with this for the rest of my life.
Mia: Then don't! Sexual compatibility is important in a bae, and if you're not feeling the human vibrator now, it's going to hurt other parts of your relationship later in the game. If you can't be honest and open and tell him that unlike the declarations of certain '90s one hit wonders, Hammer Time is never appropriate. If that doesn't work, tell him he's going to pay for your physical therapy bills – you'll need 'em! – or kick him to the curb.
Steve: Mia's nailed this one. Maybe you can softly sing Paul Simon's "Feelin' Groovy," that begins, "Slow down, you move too fast." Sex is 10 percent of a relationship when it's good and 90 percent when it's bad.
I work the night shift, so my wife is asleep by the time I get home. This wasn’t such a problem when we were younger and she would stay awake for me, but now she’s too tired. So I’ve suggested working a little more morning nookie into the routine. But she says morning sex isn’t her thing. What should I do?
Steve: If you can't change jobs or her attitude, looks like you're going to have to wait for the midnight hour, or weekends. Sorry. It'll get easier as you get older.
Mia: Scheduling sounds unsexy but sometimes it's worth getting out the family calendar to make sure you have some we time on the books.