Steve and Mia: I ruined my lover's life! Help!
You're going to want to read this first question
I travel a lot for work and started seeing a client casually at first but then it got physical. The sex was really good and it was like I got addicted to it. I think about him all the time and when I’m away from him it’s like I can’t breathe. I’m like a drug addict. We’d had sex and I just blurted it out that I was in love. Why did I do that? It didn’t go over well. He told me he loved his wife and just saw us as being friends going forward. I got really mad and the next day, I got really drunk and called his wife and told her everything. I even described their bedroom so she would know I had been inside her house. I don’t know what happened next, except that I started getting text after text from him saying I had ruined his life. I tried to apologize but he’s really mad and won’t take my calls. I can’t eat. I can’t sleep. I can’t concentrate at work. All I can think about is him. How can I get him to understand that I’m sorry for what I did. All I want is for us to be together.
Steve: Let's review. You think this man will dump his wife and marry you? Odds? One in 1,000. A client outraged by a company employee telling his wife about your affair? One in one. Thus, the odds are good you'll be fired. If you survive this, never, ever get involved with a customer.
Mia: That dude would be a fool to leave his wife and marry a skank like you. Since he cheated on his wife with you, he's no prize either, but the final blow was you tried to ruin his marriage, too. You deserve every bit of misery you get. If old lover boy is smart, he'd never speak to you again and maybe try to patch things up with his wife, if it's not too late.
Does it make sense to stay friends with someone who has dumped you? I’ve been dumped before, of course. But my girlfriend and I have been together for two years and she says it’s time to date someone new. Our relationship just doesn’t work. I’m crushed, but blurted out, “Can we still be friends?” She said, “Yes.” But is it better for me to just cut her off 100 percent?
Mia: Nah, not right off. You need time to get used to being apart. Date other people for a while. Assess what went wrong and your role in it. If you're meant to be friends, you'll find a way to make that happen. But don't count on it.
Steve: That's up to you. Your romance might end up friendship. And the more women friendships you have, the more chances they'll try to hook you up with someone you'd otherwise never meet. You can huff and puff and reject anyone who breaks up with you, but, just between us, that will make your life worse, not better. Staying friends — even if she dumps you — is a plus, not a minus. Or, as George Gershwin wrote, "The way you wear your hat / The way your sip your tea / The memory of all that / No, no, they can't take that away from me."