Steve & Mia: Boyfriend's desire for sexual variety has her nervous
Q: I don't like oral sex very much. It sort of disgusts me. But I do it for my boyfriend because he enjoys it. Plain old missionary is good enough for me. I don't even fantasize about anything else but my boyfriend said something the other day about switching things up. Now I'm paranoid. Am I boring in bed?
Steve: What the hell does that mean? Switching things is no big deal. Switching lovers is a huge deal. So job one is to talk to him directly about whether your sex life is a killer or a minor problem. If it's negotiable, then all you need to do is talk to each other, in detail, about what you each like and don't like in sex. I bet you can find half a dozen things each of you both like. That's where the sex focus should be. If each of you likes it all, it will get much better than you being forced to do something you don't like. On the other hand, if it's oral sex or breakup from his point of view, give him the breakup. He loves himself, not you.
Mia: Girl, lighten up. I'm not saying you have to fly a freak flag but remember this: Vanilla ice cream tastes even better with a few rainbow sprinkles on top. Or if you want to go all out, add some warm chocolate syrup, whipped cream, and a cherry. Then you really have something special. Do you see where I'm going with this? You're new to the game. I suggest you stay open to the possibilities and don't just say no out of complacency.
Q: I'm in my mid-20s and trying to accomplish my dream of having a girlfriend in New York, one in Philadelphia, and a third in Washington. I got the three but making things smooth is difficult. Sometimes two can only meet on the same day. Other times I have to go from Washington to New York. It's getting exhausting, but I don't want to break up because I can't pick out the best one. Suggestions?
Mia: Hey, that's what your 20s are for. Too many single people limit themselves to just one person when they really should be taking advantage of this special time in their lives. Hopefully, the women you are dating are doing the same and seeing lots of other men too. They probably are, which is why they aren't always available when you want to spend time with them. My advice is to be open with each woman you are seeing so as to minimize hurt feelings. Invite them to visit you sometimes, so you don't always have to be the one on the road. If you are having sex with these women, please exercise extreme caution. Having multiple sex partners exponentially increases your risk of sexually transmitted diseases such as HIV. I don't advise that even if you are using condoms and other safer-sex techniques.
Steve: First of all, if you're driving that far to these dates you have to put on "Time is Tight" by Booker T & the MGs. Then you have to pay attention and determine which woman is the best for you. If you're not careful and solve this soon, all three will dump you and you won't have a choice to pick.
Between them, Steve and Mia have logged more than a few decades in the single-and-dating world. They're also wise to the ways of married life. They don't always agree, but they have plenty of answers. Contact them at S&M c/o Daily News, 801 Market St., Philadelphia, Pa., 19107 or steveandmia@phillynews.com.