Q: I dated a married man off and on for seven years.
He kept promising to leave his wife to be with me but never did. We would meet for sex every couple of weeks. He couldn't take me on a real date because he was paranoid about being caught.
I finally got fed up and broke things off with him. That was a year ago.
The other day, I called him out of curiosity and he told me he had finally left his wife. I was so happy. But then he told me he was in a relationship with somebody else.
I'm really depressed. I don't know why I can't find anyone. I go on a few dates and then that's it. I don't know what I'm doing wrong.
This is my favorite time of year, and I want to be in a relationship so bad. I've tried everything and nothing works. I keep myself looking good and try to go out every weekend. But I always come home alone.
Mia: You need an intervention. Something's not right.
If you have a friend who's good with men, ask her to give you her honest evaluation of what you may be doing wrong. You could be coming off as too desperate or too needy. Maybe you need a makeover.
You need someone who will be brutal with you, if necessary. Get ready to get your feelings hurt, but maybe you will learn something that helps. Good luck.
Steve: Life is odd. When you desperately seek another, a wonderful man or woman, you will not have a lasting relationship. When you accept a life of being alone and just being friends with men and women, you will be approached by half-a-dozen people who've fallen in love with you.
Listen to Junior Walker's version of "Urgent."
Editor's note: A reader wrote to us concerning the letter from a wife upset that her husband's female colleague wanted a ride to a colonoscopy:
Q: Just went through the hassle of having a colonoscopy while living alone. They make whoever picks you up come in and sign a release form taking responsibility for your health, and cab/ride-sharing drivers won't do this. I had to hire a home health aide with a car to take me and bring me home.
Mia: I stand by my original advice. The woman who needs colonoscopy needs to do like you did, not impose on someone else's husband.
Thanks for sharing.
Steve: At very least she needs direct approval of the man's wife. She should have asked both of them at same time.
If the wife says "No" - then that's it.
Between them, Steve and Mia have logged more
than a few decades in the single-and-dating world. They're also wise to the ways of married life.
They don't always agree, but they have plenty of
answers. Contact them at S&M c/o Daily News, 801 Market St., Philadelphia, PA 19107 or steveandmia@phillynews.com.