Slap happy, or is it abuse?
After she bit him, he slapped her during sex. Now shes worried he may be an abuser.
Q: I guess I'm a wild child. During sex, I lose myself and thrash about, and I've been known to get really loud. The last time, I was loud with my guy, he put his hand over my mouth. I didn't like at all, so I bit him. He smacked me really hard, so I left. He later called to apologize, saying he was caught up in the moment. I'm thinking of giving him another chance. My girlfriend thinks I'm wrong.
Steve: She's right. A man who will hit you once, for whatever reason, will hit you again. Are you a woman who likes to be slapped around?
Mia: Humph! This sounds like domestic abuse. Before I'd let that dude hit me again, I'd slap him with assault charges and maybe also a restraining order. I'd also check out womenagainstabuse.org to see what direction they could give me. But that's me. I'm not into pain.
Go back to him if you like being slapped in the face. Maybe you're one of those folks for whom pain intensifies sexual gratification. A lot of times, it's more about control than anything else. Maybe you're just not a vanilla-sex girl. If not, own it.
But before you go back to dude to get roughed up again, you need to lay down ground rules about what is and what's not acceptable. Also, establish a safe word, so he'll know when to stop.
Q: My girlfriend remains friends with her ex-husband and two ex-boyfriends. I told her if she did not end those relationships, ours would be over. She was upset about that, but I expect her to agree. But what if she's a liar?
Mia: If she's a liar, then you have bigger problems than the fact that she's still friends with her exes. Let me ask you a question: Why are you trying to control who she has relationships with? You need to check yourself before you start telling your girlfriend whom she's allowed to associated with.
Steve: She could be lying. Since you want to be her jailer, you could be making her into a liar. A lot of men, for some reason, want to 100-percent rule a woman, policing her friends and her activities. My advice to women in that situation: Escape. Never talk to the jailer again.
As for you, find a woman who wants to be jailed. Or, better yet, you should learn to be in favor of democracy.
Between them, Steve and Mia have logged more than a few decades in the single-and-dating world. They're also wise to the ways of married life. They don't always agree, but they have plenty of
answers. Contact them at S&M c/o Daily News, 801 Market St., Philadelphia, PA 19107 or steveandmia@phillynews.com.