Q: I'm female, 27, engaged to a great guy, 29. Everything is fine - my heart skips when I see him - with one exception. Our sex life is not exciting. I know what's missing but I don't know how to broach the subject. My first lover was one of my high school teachers (I'd graduated well before we hooked up), who was into bondage, and I came to find the physical act of being restrained overpoweringly pleasurable. Toward the end of the relationship the mere act of having my limbs tied could bring me to orgasm before he did anything else. I've been too embarrassed to tell my subsequent partners. My boyfriend is somewhat conservative and more religious than I. I'd really like to experience the highs I had with Mr. X. How do I tell him I want to bring ropes to bed?
Steve is a 50-something married man who's been around the block. Mia is a younger, recently married woman with an altogether different attitude.
Mia: Whisper in his ear that you want to be his love slave. As long as you have nylon stockings or some silk scarves handy, I'll bet you'll be tied up before you can say, "spank me." But before you play this game, make sure he knows the basic rules of this kind of kinky love play such as not leaving you tied up while he goes to fix dinner or check his e-mail.
Steve: Or you could begin exercising with a jump rope, leave it on the bed one day and say to him, "I wonder what we could do with this?"
Q: I'm a recently divorced woman in my 40s. I've joined match.com to meet some guys and have some fun. I'd like to find a nice man to do fun stuff with but I would prefer not to get played, lied to, used, and hurt in the process. How can I tell if a guy is a player?
Steve: I'll let the late, great blues singer Ruth Brown handle this one. She answered the lyrical question, "How can you tell your man is lying?" with the song's title: "If He Moves His Lips."
Mia: Yeah, you might run into a player, but so what? You got out of your last relationship and you'll get out of the next one, too. Lose the I've-been-divorced attitude and stop being so negative!
Steve is a 50-something married man who's been around the block. Mia is a younger, recently married woman with an altogether different attitude.
They may not agree, but they have plenty of answers. For answers email S&M@phillynews.com or write: S&M c/o Daily News, 400 N. Broad St., Philadelphia, PA 19130.
