Sideshow: Splittin' it down the middle

Hi, I'm Jennifer Hudson, and I'm on Chelsea Handler's late-night gabfest, so I plop down in the chair - and the front of my xtra-tite dress unzips. "Oh, my God!" Chels screams about 42 times as she turns me back-to-camera and tries to help. Awkward.

Mariah Carey has been flashin' a series of designer arm slings since July, with a slow-mending right shoulder dislocation incurred when she fell during a video session. But she's just about well, she says, and a new album is a-bornin'. . . . Chris Brown, as he has made sure the world knows, lost his virginity at age 8, to a young woman of, by his estimate, 14 or 15. This appears to qualify legally as rape (victimizing Chris!) (weird to write that) in Virginia, no matter how enthusiastic Brown recalls himself to have been. . . . How weird does Kim Kardashian look as a blonde? Not terrible, I guess - it's that kind of blond hair that says, "I'm streaking in the black so you know I'm a Blonde By Choice." Oh, our modern options! . . . Speaking of the K's, on Sunday's epi of Keeping Up With the Kardashians, Bruce Jenner, reported to be splitsville with K matriarch and marketing genius Kris Jenner, makes an indelicate gesture (!) at nosy journalists. Not like he has no reason to. . . . Sweet Ginnifer Goodwin and her Once Upon a Time costar Josh Dallas are affianced, says People. He asked, and she said yup, on Wednesday. . . . Wyomissing's own Taylor Swift bought a vaykay home in Westerly, R.I., right? Well, the nabes gave Her Tayness a Westerly welcome. This farmer guy, Richard Manfredi, mowed her a corn maze - no, really, he mowed her a corn maze - that says "WELCOME TAYLOR," with a guitar logo next to it. It wasn't all just neighborliness. Manfredi is charging folks $8 a wander. . . . MSNBC's Joe Scarborough filed for divorce from wife Susan Waren in September 2012. Court docs, just released, say he makes $99,038 per week at the show. Whaaa? Who says there's no money in cable? He's to pay her $30K a month in alimony for five years, plus other stuff. Think he can afford it? . . .