Political tips for Turkey Day

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On Thanksgiving, resist the urge to raise a glass to FBI Director James Comey.

AH, THANKSGIVING, a day of gathering, a day of feasting, a day when so many get to, um, enjoy (?) extended family.

Are you concerned this year?

Do you worry that what divides our state and nation also splits your dining table?

Do you feel Election Day results could lead to spirited discussions not conducive to digestion?

I'm here to help.

Let's say your guests and family represent more than one political view, but this holiday, all you want is an apolitical repast.

If so, here are topics to avoid.

HATS: It's probably not a good idea to preset each dining chair with one of those red "Make America Great Again" hats, just in case not all present roll that way.

Hatting chairs, self or visitors could well cause a chain of animated chatter to define (on one side) or defend (on the other side) what that slogan means or implies.

Best not to go there.

VOTES: In a similar vein, any discussion of the value of the Electoral College is likely to lead to tossed stuffing or spoon-flipped cranberry sauce.

Yes, he won the college. Yes, she won the popular vote. And, sure, there's a sound argument that whoever wins the most votes from actual people, rather than states, should be the winner.

But the issue's old. Rules are rules. The election is over.

Quietly pass the gravy.

PARDONS: I'd likewise advocate you stay clear of making a case that the annual presidential pardon of the White House turkey should include a pardon of a person. I don't think we need to name her.

Or that President Obama ought to issue a precautionary pardon for that person in the event a certain incoming president makes good on campaign threats tossed in her direction. I believe you know the operative phrase.

Stand down. There are more pitfalls here than there are cooked kernels in that big bowl of creamed corn beside the green bean casserole.

PROVOCATIONS: Tempting, I know. But I suggest passing on partisan provocations such as parlor games related to assigning descriptive, demeaning nicknames to potential or actual cabinet picks by the president-elect.

(I am, right now, resisting.)

And bypass celebratory toasts such as "Here's to James Comey!"

Or baiting a left-leaning fellow diner with "please pass the basket of deplorables."

Just eat. It's harder to get in trouble with your mouth full.

Also, maybe don't wear your "I didn't vote for Monica's boyfriend's wife" t-shirt.

And forget about distributing Canadian real estate brochures.

It seems to me we all can benefit by stepping back from our great divide even if only for a day; then, hopefully, move forward.

We're now at point where, in some ways, we can be tough to figure out.

The majority of us (55 percent), according to a Gallup post-election poll, still hold unfavorable views of the person we just elected.

Yet a majority of us (59 percent), according to a post-election Washington Post poll, believe the economy will improve under his leadership.

So, what it is? We don't like him but think we need him? Or are these polls wrong, too?

Fact is all of this is America's just desserts.

Speaking of which, and to help move on, perhaps finish your family dinner with offerings of Trumpkin pie: it's yuge. Or maybe a slice of Pencemeat pie: it's evenly topped with white frosting.

Oh, and bon appetit.

baerj@phillynews.com

Blog: ph.ly/BaerGrowls

Columns: ph.ly/JohnBaer