IF THE REPUBLICANS are too socially regressive and the Democrats are enablers, has Tattle got a presidential candidate for you.
One of Marvel's best-known heroes since he socked Adolf Hitler in the jaw in 1941, Cap will move into the White House in the pages of Marvel Comics' The Ultimates, a series set in the Ultimate Comics universe where the U.S. has been torn apart by factionalism, out-of-control anti-mutant hysteria and outright secession.
What happened to comic books being fictional?
A career soldier for whom duty trumps political parties, Steve Rogers (Cap's alter ego) is seen as the last hope for the country and wins election as a write-in candidate, in issue No. 15, due out Wednesday.
If a write-in candidate had a chance, both President Obama and Mitt Romney would be nervous.
"Cap is answering the call of the people," said writer Sam Humphries. "This is not the first time he's stood up for an America in crisis. This is a further evolution in his role as America's defender, from soldier to superhero to president. He didn't ask for this position, but if it helps him reunite America, then he'll take on the job."
Rogers will be inaugurated in issue No. 16, due out Sept. 26.
Talk hosts to debateJon Stewart and Bill O'Reilly will go head-to-head in a debate to be held in Washington, D.C., next month, and the only question is will it be funnier than the Obama-Romney and Joe Biden-Paul Ryan debates?
The hosts will face off Oct. 6 in a 90-minute event, dubbed the "The Rumble in the Air-Conditioned Auditorium." The conversation will be moderated by television journalist E.D. Hill. Stewart and O'Reilly will also field questions from the audience and, of course, the Internet.
The debate will be live-streamed via the Internet for $4.95. Tickets to the live show, to be held at George Washington University's Lisner Auditorium, will cost $100.
One half of the net proceeds from the event will go to charity - and we hope that means Colbert SuperPAC.
Old is the new youngIt's going to be old people Mardi Gras in New Orleans this weekend - the national conference of AARP is coming to the 1.6-mile Ernest N. Morial Convention Center.
Highlights include a Friday evening red-carpet walk with Billy Crystal at a screening of his next film, "Parental Guidance," and a Saturday sit-down with Cicely Tyson, Ben Vereen and LeVar Burton, 35 years after "Roots."
A Saturday-night concert with Stevie Nicks, Gladys Knight and Melissa Etheridge will be held at the New Orleans Arena.
The event is expected to attract some 20,000 attendees.
President Obama is expected to address attendees via satellite. Mitt Romney's running mate, Paul Ryan, will be there in person, although we're not sure why. Since most AARP members receive Social Security, disability or some public-sector pension, they're among the 47 percent of the nation beholden to the government and thus of no concern to candidate Romney.
Martina Navratilova, who released a fitness book in 2006 called Shape Yourself, will lead hundreds through a Friday-morning fitness class. On Saturday, she is scheduled to deliver a motivational speech.
"I encourage people to do more at whatever level they're at to improve their quality of life," she said. "As you get older, you have to adapt. You can do less, but more often. Frequency is important and very beneficial."
Others to attend are TV personality Leeza Gibbons, football star Dan Marino, gospel singer Shirley Caesar and political couple James Carville and Mary Matalin. TV host Hoda Kotb and celebrity chef Emeril Lagasse are to salute New Orleans and the city's recovery since Hurricane Katrina seven years ago.
AARP's national conference was scheduled to be held in New Orleans in 2005 but was forced to relocate because of the storm.
Deacon blueRussian Orthodox deacon Sergei Baranov became an Internet celebrity last month, when he asked to be defrocked in an open letter to the Moscow patriarchate, saying that he was outraged by the church's stance against three members of the punk band Pussy Riot.
The feminist rockers were sentenced to two years in prison after singing a "punk prayer" against President Vladimir Putin in Moscow's main cathedral, a stunt that divided Russians.
Baranov told the Associated Press on Tuesday that he supports the band's stunt and does not regret his resignation.
"Everyone prays as they can," Baranov said of the Pussy Riot members. "And with their act they exposed the ills and blisters of society. We should have done that a long time ago."
TATTBITS* Usher and Shakira will
replace CeeLo Green and Christina Aguilera on "The Voice" this spring as the two judges take a break from the show to concentrate on other parts of their careers.
* Annie Lennox has married for
a third time.
She married Mitch Besser in a private ceremony Saturday in London aboard a boat on the Thames River. Lennox's two daughters were bridesmaids.
Sweet dreams are made of this.
* Patrick Carney, of The Black
Keys, married Emily Ward on
Saturday in the back yard of their Nashville, Tenn., home, in front of about 350 family members and friends.
Comedian Will Forte officiated. Ward wore a dress by Carolina Herrera and walked down the aisle to "Crimson and Clover," by Tommy James & The Shondells. Carney was accompanied down the aisle by the couple's Irish wolfhound, Charlotte.
Sounds like a fun wedding.
- Daily News wire services
contributed to this report.