Frank's Place: A case of lost in translation

LANCASTER - Staging the U.S. Women's Open in the heart of Amish country has lent the event a unique flavor, not to mention some great opening shots for Fox's TV coverage.

Curiously, though, while a local newspaper reported Friday that the Plain People actually do play golf, none have been spotted in the galleries here at the Lancaster Country Club.

That's probably a good thing since there are certain words and phrases in the golf lexicon that have entirely different meanings in the Amish world.

For example:

Blade shot - I need a new plow.

Links, Scramble, Slice - Breakfast.

Pronation - Patriotic.

Supination - More patriotic.

Calcutta - A necessity when it's time to butcher Old Bossie.

Short Game - Rabbits.

Bump and Run - Premarital sex.

Open Clubface - A hot turkey sandwich.

Backswing - A parent's view of rumspringa.

Gap Wedge – A slice of shoofly at the Gap Diner.

Driving Range - Anywhere between Parkesburg and Ephrata.

Albatross - Sister Rachel Tross' brother.

Bobbing - Riotous Saturday night fun during apple season.

Mashie Niblick - Side dish with sauerbraten.

Come Out of It - What happens when you forget the suspenders.

Sole - What those in the outside world risk by driving cars and posing for photos.

1. Many more orange golf balls.

2. Much more fashion variety with shorts, skorts, skirts, leggings, dresses, one-piece body suits, etc.

3. Fewer "You Da Man"s, "Baba Booey"s and "Get in the Hole"s.

1. Muni He, Wai Ling Hsu, and Dylan Kim (8).

2. (tie) Teresa Lu, Brittany Lang, Jenny Shin (10).

2. (tie) So Yeon Riu, Stacy Lewis, Lydia Ko (10).

With spectators arriving in groups, and with most wearing hats and shirts bearing some team or school name, some corporate logo or some message, you can encounter some pretty strange pairings.

Here are a few of the non-sequiturs spotted on the first two days of this 70th U.S. Women's Open:

A man in an "Evangelical School" cap accompanied by a friend with a four-leaf clover on his.

A man in a "Mutual of Omaha" hat accompanied by a friend with a "Party On" T-shirt.

A man in a Phillies hat and shirt accompanied by a friend with a "Titleist" hat.

Speaking of the Phillies, the wonderfully named golfer Brooke Pancake has a connection to Major League Baseball's worst team.

Her father-in-law is Sal Rende, a longtime manager, coach, and instructor in the Phillies system.

No matter how much under par.

No matter who hits 'em how far.

To boost the allure

Of the ladies on Tour

The game needs a Tiger-like star.

1. "Hey, Tony just texted me. He said Cindy's shorts are OK, so I guess we're good to go"

2. Woman after purchasing an ice-cream bar from a sullen-faced vendor in a white suit: "Good Humor Man, my ass."

3. "She told me that lunch was over at 2, but that if we hurried maybe we could still get there in time for some of the desserts. I told her unless she got me a beer right now, I wasn't hurrying anywhere for anything."

1. "So where's the Open next year, FDR?"

2. "I don't get it, why do they call Laura Davies Big Mama?"

3. "I'm staying in Blue Ball. You know any sushi places there?"