Giving 'Em Fitz: NFL owners keeping the customers happy

"We have the greatest, most loyal fans in the world."
- N.Y. Giants owner John Mara.
"Our fans are obviously the best in the world."

  - Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones.
"Redskins fans are the greatest fans in the world."

  - Washington owner Daniel Snyder.
"We do have the best fans in the world."
- Eagles owner Jeffrey Lurie.

Super Bowl XLVI had been over a mere III or IV minutes when the gratuitous glorifications began.

Before crediting his players, his coach, or his trust fund, John Mara, the owner of the victorious New York Giants, paid tribute to his team's fans and said the wonderful moment wouldn't have been possible without them.

Yeah, Mario Manningham doesn't catch that pass if not for the drunk in Section 417.

And it's not just the NFL. You hear the same hollow praise from owners at the World Series, NBA Finals, even Arena Football League games.

Shameless fan thank-yous have replaced shameless God thank-yous as the postgame pandering of choice.

Savvy marketers have convinced sports teams that it pays to blow smoke at fans, to make them believe they are something other than what everyone else knows they are - ATM machines for ownership.

It's hardly a new ploy. As a means of getting what one wants, it's just the latest version of the age-old "Tell her you love her and she'll follow you anywhere" strategy.

The fans hear the "We need you . . ." but not the unspoken words that follow: ". . . to spend as much as possible on us."

Let's face it - if these owners were being honest, here's what they'd say:

"Our customers, who mindlessly buy everything from team trash cans to team baby bibs, who shell out thousands of dollars for the privilege of shelling out hundreds of dollars on tickets to meaningless preseason games, who buy our overpriced food and drinks, pay $40 to park, and almost always end up disappointed, are the most gullible customers in the world."

But even though this phony fan flattery is less authentic than Colin Cowherd, it's been working.

The current sports fan has come to believe the 12th-man fiction. He's absorbed so much sweet-talk that he's actually convinced his game-day fervor and tribal behavior play a role in the fortunes of his favorite team.

Note to fans: It's your cash, not your cheers, that counts.

As long as you buy personal-seat licenses and luxury suites, you can sit on your hands and act as if you're in San Diego for all ownership cares.

If your favorite team has the best players, it's going to win whether it plays in an empty stadium, a sheep meadow, or Cleveland.

For their game against the Buffalo Bandits on Sunday, the Wings, in a move that seems more desperate than savvy, will put Twitter handles instead of names on the backs of their players' jerseys.

How 21st century.

What's next? Social Security numbers? Blood-pressure readings? Life expectancies?

And speaking of embarrassingly bad marketing schemes, those wacky Flyers joined the fun this week.

Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey, whose circus coincidentally will be at the Wells Fargo Center later this month, employs a clown who shares a name with a former NHL goalie from Flourtown.

So Mike Richter, the clown, agreed to get in goal and face shots from the Flyers after practice Wednesday.

Vegas, by the way, immediately posted odds of 8-5 that the goalie in greasepaint would outperform the two clowns the Flyers already employ.

"Vick Leads Poll of Most Disliked Athletes" . . . then squanders advantage with fourth-quarter collapse.

"Limbaugh Watches SB XLVI in Pats Owner's Box" . . . blames New England's loss on Obama.

"Wife of Yanks GM Files for Divorce" . . . claims Bartolo Colon signing was last straw.

"Flyers Still Seeking Answers in Goal" . . . I'll take "Overpaid Sieves" for $400, Alex.