Four tips for a great first date

There are some surefire ways to turn off a first date – having your cell phone out on the table, drinking excessively, or being rude to the wait staff, to name a few.  But just as important as knowing what not to do is knowing what to do on a first date to increase your chances of making it to the all-important second date.

1. Ask questions

Over the years, I have gone on so many dates where the guy talked the entire time.  Even if I tried to get a word in edgewise, the conversation somehow had its own way of settling on him again.  I remember one date in particular with a guy we'll call Michael.  It wasn't until the check came for our drinks that he said, "Oh, so tell me about you."  At that point, I was already turned off.  Conversations are a give and take, especially on a first date, so remember to ask some thoughtful questions.

2. Be optimistic and happy

It's important to have a good attitude on a date, even if your happy face is only covering up the fact that this is your third date this week, and the rest have been, well, sub-par.  People smell negativity.  You may need to fake it 'til you make it or simply take a little break from dating until you can come in with some optimism.  A simple smile goes a long way.

3. Discuss issues that are important to you

I'm not talking about politics or anything, but if there's something that you're passionate about, it's going to come out sooner rather than later, so it might as well be sooner.  A lot of my female clients worry that a date will judge her for her interests.  One in particular takes a pottery-making class.  She was concerned that a guy might find that to be, well, less than cool.  My response: Who cares?  It's what you like to do, so own it.

4. Offer to walk her where she's going

Generally, it'll be dark out by the time you end your date, especially as we enter fall and winter.  Men, it's important to offer to walk your date to where she's going—her car, the entrance to the train station, or home.  Even if it's not a love connection, please let chivalry be alive and well.  She may not accept the offer, but it's the thought that counts.

Much of a first date is less about the actual words you say and more about your attitude.  Are you listening, being nice, and making the effort?  These things go a long way.  Even if you're perfect for each other on paper, the attitude makes all the difference.