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Dad knew son only as a loser, and though dad's dead, son still regrets

DEAR ABBY: For many years I have been depressed about my father's opinion of me. Dad died 30 years ago thinking I was a screwup who would never amount to anything, and at the time it was true.

DEAR ABBY: For many years I have been depressed about my father's opinion of me. Dad died 30 years ago thinking I was a screwup who would never amount to anything, and at the time it was true.

Since his death I have turned my life around. I have been married for 38 years, raised a fine son and am successful in my career.

Still, I can't get past his feeling of disappointment in me at the time of his death. It haunts me daily that I was a loser while he was alive. Any advice to stop feeling guilty?

-Regretful Son

DEAR SON: Not everyone matures at the same rate, and you may have been a late bloomer.

Try telling yourself that you are sorry for whatever your sin of omission was, and then give yourself a dose of forgiveness.

If that doesn't do the trick, then instead of torturing yourself, discuss this with a licensed mental-health professional.

Remember, no one can change the past. We can, however, change the present, and by doing so, positively affect our future.

DEAR ABBY: I live in my parents' home. They are long-haul truck drivers and come home every eight weeks or so for a few days. I'm disabled and have a caregiver who comes four days a week.

When my parents stop in and the caregiver is here, they expect her to do for them. They keep four dogs on the truck they take with them and leave four dogs at home with me - so that's eight dogs when they are here. I am extremely grateful for this home and I love them very much, but right now I feel like a house/dog-sitter.

My son has invited me to go on vacation with his family. Is it my responsibility to make arrangements for the dogs my parents have left here? I feel like a prisoner in my own home.

-House-Sitter in the South

DEAR HOUSE-SITTER: Because the dogs have been left in your keeping, the responsibility for assuring their safety and well-being in your parents' absence belongs to you. Ask your parents if they would mind a pet-sitter staying in the house when you vacation with your son, or if they would prefer the dogs be placed in a kennel.

DEAR ABBY: I am almost 13 and I'm struggling with a lot of different things. I was adopted when I was a baby, so I never lived with my birth mother. That's probably a good thing, but I am having angry feelings toward her that I wish I wouldn't have. Those feelings are also being directed at friends and family members.

I'll think I have forgiven my birth mother for what she did, and then all of a sudden, I realize I never really did. I don't want to grow up being bitter all my life. Do you have any advice for me?

-Needs Help in Indiana

DEAR NEEDS HELP: Yes. It is important that you understand that birth mothers love their babies very much. When a woman places her child for adoption, there can be legitimate reasons for it. She may have been too young to raise a child, without the means to properly support it, or addicted to drugs or alcohol. Your mother may have wanted you to have a better life than she had, and felt that another family could give it to you.

When you are older, you can do a search for her and find out the reason for yourself. But in the meantime, stop blaming her - and you, your friends and family will be happier.