Friday, October 9, 2015

Ever since his affair, he's been cold to her


DEAR ABBY: My husband of 30 years had an affair a year and a half ago. We struggled through the aftermath and are trying to restart our relationship.

He remained in touch with the other woman until she finally pulled the plug on him, and now he has no interest in talking with me about our relationship or how to improve it.

He is distant and refuses to say "I love you." He doesn't initiate hugs or kisses. He will initiate sex every so often, but I am usually the one who seems to need more contact.

When I question him, he tells me everything is all right and I am making a mountain out of a molehill. We have good times, but I really feel his lack of affection.

I don't want to leave this man. I love him dearly and have for many years. Should I keep waiting for the renewal or has my membership here lapsed and I'm just kidding myself?

- Frozen Out in Alaska

DEAR FROZEN OUT: Because you love him dearly and don't want to leave him, stay put. However, everything isn't all right, and you are not making a mountain out of a molehill. Your husband appears to be punishing you for something, and unless you get to the bottom of it, your relationship with him will remain icy cold.

A licensed marriage counselor may be able to help you rebuild your relationship, but it won't happen unless he is willing to try.

If he isn't, then you should go without him and let the therapist help you decide if this is the way you want to live the rest of your life.


Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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