OK for spouses to keep secrets from each other?
DEAR ABBY: My wife and I disagree on whether it is OK for me to have a secret I do not wish to share with her. It doesn't affect her. It pertains to a situation 40 years ago, long before we met.
After we got into an argument about it, I eventually told her what it was about.
There was a popular movie about the same situation. Whenever it came on TV and I watched it, I would get teary-eyed, and my wife would ask me what was wrong. I would say I didn't know because I wanted to keep the reason to myself.
Now I'm accused of having lied to her about it.
My wife is adamant that spouses should have no secrets whatsoever from each other. The issue was something significant and private to me.
We would appreciate your comments.
- Disagreeing in Maryland
DEAR DISAGREEING: Would your wife have felt better if, when she saw you tear up and asked what was wrong, you had responded honestly and told her it was something personal, painful and none of her business?
What you did wasn't lying; it was protecting yourself from having to discuss something you weren't ready to reveal.
And when you did, instead of being sympathetic, she attacked you.
Well, now that you have shared your secret and are being punished for it, are you more comfortable with the idea of telling her "all"?
(I doubt it.)
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.