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Why don't couples share their money?

We always discuss any significant purchases, and I have always believed that it was my responsibility to support my family.

DEAR ABBY: For the first few years of the marriage of my daughter and her husband "Joe," he resented giving her any of the money he earned. My other daughter's husband thinks nothing of spending money on himself and his friends without consulting her.

We have seen this attitude reflected in their friends as well. They don't seem to discuss with each other how each is spending their "joint" income. There seems to be an element of selfishness, too.

My wife and I have been married 40 years and from the beginning I have always considered that what each of us earned was ours, not mine or hers (when she worked). We always discuss any significant purchases, and I have always believed that it was my responsibility to support my family. I realize the current economic situation has made that difficult, but the attitude should still be there.

- Wondering in Washington

DEAR WONDERING: You have raised an interesting subject. There is a difference between living together and being married because of our legal system. Because people who co-habit without benefit of marriage are considered individuals in the eyes of the law, it is probably prudent to keep their financial affairs separate. However, each person should contribute to the expenses they share.

In a marriage, the situation is different: The law assumes that the man and wife are one unit. This is the mind-set you adopted when you and your wife were married.

There is a tendency among young couples, not only because of the high divorce rate, but also what they have been exposed to in the media from the time they were born, to view marriage as something that might not last. There is also a sense of entitlement among many - not all - that makes them centered on themselves. We have become a society in which disposability has spread from material possessions to relationships.

I would love to hear what my readers' views are regarding this. Click on the link "Write to Dear Abby" at www.DearAbby.com or write to P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.