Relative tells little girl she's her mom

DEAR ABBY: My granddaughter was murdered by her boyfriend. They had an 18-month-old daughter, "Bella." Another family member (I'll call her Lucy) took Bella into her home, and Bella calls her Mom. Lucy has been taking Bella to the prison to visit her father, but has told her he is her uncle.

Bella is now 4, and I can't accept that Lucy thinks it's OK to lie to her. I feel it should be Bella's decision whether to visit her dad. Am I wrong? How should this be handled so Bella isn't traumatized any more than need be? I desperately need advice, in the best interest of the child.

- Bella's Great-Grandma Dear

GREAT-GRANDMA: Is Lucy a member of your family or the murderous boyfriend's? I find it hard to comprehend that a family member of the victim would drag a toddler to a prison to visit the lowlife who killed her mother.

I do not think it is healthy to lie to children. This situation will explode when Bella finally learns that the woman she has always called "Mom" isn't her mother, and the man in the orange jumpsuit not only isn't her uncle but killed her birth mother. That poor girl won't know whom she can believe and could have trust issues that affect her relationships for the rest of her life.

DEAR ABBY: My mother raised me alone and taught me to be independent. She would not let me drive an automatic car until I had mastered driving a standard (stick shift). I was also not allowed to drive until I was able to perform basic, essential tasks - changing a tire, checking the oil and maintaining all fluid levels.

I know many women today who can't perform these tasks and would rather make it a "man's job." I think every woman should have these skills. Where do you stand?

- Independent Lady in Florida

DEAR INDEPENDENT LADY: I stand beside you. There is no guarantee that a woman will have a man to "take care" of her - in fact, the opposite is more likely to be true. However, if she can't learn the basics of taking care of her car, she should be sure that she's a member of AAA.