Is she wasting her time with cold, distant beau?

Feeling under appreciated
He's cold and distant.

DEAR ABBY: I am a divorced woman in my mid-40s. "Jed" and I have been seeing each other for more than a year, and I'd like some sort of commitment. All he'll say is, "We're committed and monogamous and that's enough, so don't start with me."

We spend Thursday through Sunday together. Jed says Monday through Wednesday is his time to be alone. We don't talk or see each other during that time. We may email or text, but I'm not allowed to go to his house or call him. He never tells me he loves me. He doesn't compliment me or act like I'm important to him.

Marriage is not important, and I have explained that to him. Am I wasting my time?

- Time's a-Wastin' in Georgia

DEAR TIME'S A-WASTIN': Do you realize that not once in your letter did you mention anything positive Jed does for you? Men who "love" women don't forbid them from coming to their home or calling; in fact, they welcome them. Jed doesn't say "I love you" unless he is cornered because it appears he doesn't love you.

Yes, you're wasting your time.


DEAR ABBY: I have been married for 29 years and I'm having concerns about my husband. I'm not sure what to make of the fact that he is becoming effeminate.

For many years he has shaved his underarms, legs, etc., to the point that he is completely hairless. He wears women's stretch tights and a girdle to work out, because he says it helps him sweat around his middle. Do other men do this kind of stuff?

- A Little Worried in Wisconsin

DEAR WORRIED: These days some men wax, shave, moisturize and exfoliate their bodies. Your husband may wear tights at the gym because he looks around and sees younger men with sleeker physiques and he's self-conscious about his own. It's important that couples, particularly those who have been married as long as you two have, be able to talk to each other. Because some of this is a recent change in your husband's behavior, you deserve an explanation.