What does it take for acts to be 'cheating'?

DEAR ABBY: I have recently discovered that my husband was having a more-than-friendly relationship with a co-worker. He set up a post-office box for her so she could write to him while she was away for an extended period.

I found her letters. They described how she missed my husband and "couldn't wait to feel" his arms around her and his lips on hers again. She said he had shown her what real true love can be.

My husband says they never had sex, but did kiss on several occasions, and he enjoyed their deep, open conversations. He says it's not actually cheating if they never slept together.

Obviously, his definition of cheating is not the same as mine. I say an emotional affair is almost worse than a physical one. He sees cheating as sex only.

- Hurt and Lonely in New England

DEAR HURT AND LONELY: When someone gets a post-office box so that he or she can carry on a furtive romantic correspondence, it is cheating. When he kisses and embraces someone in a romantic fashion, or confides his deepest feelings to a woman other than his wife, that's cheating, too.

On the deepest levels, your husband has been unfaithful to you. My heart goes out to you.

DEAR ABBY: I was seeing a therapist for several years. Over time we became friends outside of therapy. I trusted her completely. I feel I know as much about her as she knows about me.

A couple of months ago, she said there would be no contact outside our sessions, but during the sessions she would say how much she missed me and thought of me as a daughter, and she would cry. Now she has decided that she can no longer be my therapist.

Is this normal behavior for a mental-health therapist? I no longer trust therapists.

- Confused in Texas

DEAR CONFUSED: No, it is not normal behavior; it is highly inappropriate. Your therapist appears to have had as many unresolved emotional issues as you did. By ending your sessions together, she has done you an enormous favor.