Tuesday, August 4, 2015

Dear Abby: Absent mom wants back in reader’s life

0 comments

DEAR ABBY: My parents divorced when I was in third grade, and my sister and I lived with my mother. When I was 16, Mom met a man online, quit her job and moved across the country to be with him. My sister and I begged her to let us finish school first, but she was adamant about moving. She gave us a choice — move with her to another state or move in with our father. We chose the latter.

Since then, my mother has not been a part of my life. I invited her to my wedding, but she didn’t attend. When I think of my mother, I associate her with feelings of abandonment and unhappiness.

Mom called me last week, and frankly it was upsetting. I have heard from others how unhappy she is with her life and the choices she made, although she hasn’t said it to me directly. I find it painful to hear her say she loves me, because there’s a difference between saying it and living it.

Is there a moral obligation to allow her back into my life? I believe you can’t help what happens in your childhood, but you can decide how you let it affect you. Or is it OK to stay on the path I have chosen and keep my distance from her?

— Morally Perplexed in Texas

DEAR PERPLEXED: If a closer relationship with your mother would be dangerous for you emotionally, then you shouldn’t risk it. It is not your fault that the life she chose didn’t turn out to be a happy one for her. After years of being treated with indifference by her, if you choose to keep your distance, I support your decision. n

0 comments
We encourage respectful comments but reserve the right to delete anything that doesn't contribute to an engaging dialogue.
Help us moderate this thread by flagging comments that violate our guidelines.

Comment policy:

Philly.com comments are intended to be civil, friendly conversations. Please treat other participants with respect and in a way that you would want to be treated. You are responsible for what you say. And please, stay on topic. If you see an objectionable post, please report it to us using the "Report Abuse" option.

Please note that comments are monitored by Philly.com staff. We reserve the right at all times to remove any information or materials that are unlawful, threatening, abusive, libelous, defamatory, obscene, vulgar, pornographic, profane, indecent or otherwise objectionable. Personal attacks, especially on other participants, are not permitted. We reserve the right to permanently block any user who violates these terms and conditions.

Additionally comments that are long, have multiple paragraph breaks, include code, or include hyperlinks may not be posted.

Read 0 comments
 
comments powered by Disqus
Latest Videos:
Also on Philly.com
letter icon Newsletter